I failed...

This post is a bit outdated. Was written on Thursday night... So hope those who read this posts will understand. :D
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I've been working in programming field for the past 4yrs and I've never delayed my work... Well I DID for few times... BUT normally even if I delayed, I would still know when I could deliver my job...

This time... It's the first time I failed........... Miserably........ Innocently........

This month is a very stressful month for me ever since I came back from my 2 weeks leave. *thats the reason why I havent been updating my blog lately. TOO busy!!*

1st, the moment I step into the office the 1st day I came back to office after my 2weeks leave, a colleague of mine told me to finish an enhancement within 3 days!

2nd, there's clients calling and emailling saying their system got problem/bugs which needs to be fixed ASAP.

3rd, my ladyboss told me to proceed with the Taiwan project after its been on-hold for quite some time and need me to finish it within 2weeks!

4th, I got an sms early in the morning last Tuesday from my dad saying my 7th aunt just passaway from cancer after she's been struggling it for some time. *Rest in peace 7th aunt. We'll always remember and always keep you in out heart!* Me, my sis and my parents rushed down to Singapore on that night to pay our last respect to her. So we're there since Wednesday till Friday.

5th, when I got back, I continue with the Taiwan project and got 1 or 2 meetings with my ladyboss... With that 1 or 2 meeting, I found that my ladyboss treat me differently ever since... Because of my 1 mistake of not following her flow...

Which actually I did follow but just with a small shortcut! She didn't like it, so she says:-

1. I wasn't ready to be a consultant.
2. My technical skill is not up to par!
3. I didnt gather user requirements or do anything during my time in Taiwan. *which I was suppose to go there for DEVELOPMENT and NOT gathering user requirements. And I DID DO SOMETHING, very busy in fact, when I'm there!*
4. I didnt go read her flow and do watever I want.
5. I didnt think like how a consultant was supposed to think i.e. Giving a GOOD solution and not giving unnecessary solution. *Harlowwwww... I'm in LEARNING STAGE here!!*

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I know....... I know..... When you're working, thats what you gotta face and I do accept it...

But I giess wit hthe 1st time of me failing to deliver a project ontime WITHOUT KNOWING when I could actually finished it... That's a very hard blow to my ego.... as a programmer....

At 1am, I gave up my development and I really surrender..... My brain is stuck from over-stressed and tiredness and lack of sleep.......

I switched off the laptop and went upstairs to my room and hug my already snoring loudly boyboy. The moment I hugged him, I cried silently..... I really really am overstressed and I really dunno how to answer to my ladyboss tomolo....

I kept crying silently till I somehow felt a lot better. I think that my boyboy knew that I'm hugging him and even while sleeping, he could give me the comfort and suppoer that I needed so much now......

He somehow will move and put his leg over mine as if to tell me that he's there and will always be by my side no matter how difficult it is the situation I'm facing. Then he'll move his back to me to give me the warmth I'm seeking for....

I really do felt a lot better after all the crying and huggings... All I could do now is to wish for some miracle to happen tomolo.... *which I hope that my ladyboss wont scold me and are willing to give me more time for the project... Which I know is impossible....*