Mr. Right...

I've been so stressed out with work lately that I dont even have time for checking my personal emails.

So what Idid? I go watch my leng chai Mike He Jun Xiang old drama, Devil Beside You, starring Rainie Yang too. I loved this drama so much that I even go download its manga, Akuma de Sourou. Really worth watching and worth reading the manga. Hehehe..

Other than that, I'll be complaining almost everyday about work on multiple URGENT issues coming at one go.

Yeah imagine early morning when you open the office email, there's a few emails from the SD Analysts kept telling you,

"Please fix this issue by today. The client kept sending reminders every
5minutes!"

Then when its close to off-work time, like maybe 5.15pm, there'll be multiple emails from them saying they want the fix ASAP. Yaksi lar like that!!!!!!!

But after going through such hectic day, whenever my boyboy come fetch me home, the moment I get into the car and saw him, I'll feel relieved. Why? I dunno actually......

Maybe he's good at de-stressing me by teasing me or telling me something to make me laugh.. Or even, when I lean onto his shoulder even just for few seconds, I felt that those stressing thoughts or my stress-ness are gone at an instance!!!

Seriously, I'm not lying.. Guess this is what feels like when you met Mr. Right huh? Hehehehehe...

Then yesterday night i was watching DBY episode 19 where Mike He must go somewhere far from Rainie Yang, it reminds me of my separation with my boyboy previously.

I recalled how stunned I am when my boyboy told me he finally bought the air ticket...

How heartache I am seeing day goes by with the time of us being together is cutting short...

How sad and heart wrenching it is..... to see him checking-in to get onto his flight...

Missing him terribly when I cant see him....

It made me cry... Till the tear flows non-stop..

But somehow, those days are behind me and I really dont regret it cuz in some way... It made me realized just how much I love him and that he's truly my Mr. Right... :)

A Tribute to Michael Jackson, The ONE AND ONLY King Of Pop!!!

I know I'm a little late to post this tributes to the King Of Pop, Michael Jackson, but... at least I'm not too late I guess...

Anyhow, I just watched Michael Jackson's Memorial on Astro late last night. I didn't know I could shed loads of tears for him...

Yesterday morning when I was in the office, I was so tempted to watch the memorial LIVE from E!Online but too bad, I can't stream in the office. When my god bro sent me a link on some news website, I finally get to watch some of it.

I just saw Brooke Shield's speech as well as Paris Katherine Jackson's (MJ's daughter) speech and I'm in tears. I tried to hold my tears as... I'm in the office leh!!!!!!! But somehow, I can't... it's really heart wrenching looking at them, showing REAL expressions and really really cried for him...

What Brooke Shields said in her speech sounds so real and happy of Michael Jackson. She told the audience how MJ liked being teased, like to have fun, like to laugh and do all sort of stuff together with her... It's really really REAL that it's like, that's the time where MJ is the happiest in his life... being together with a very very trusted friend of his, having fun and laughing together...

But somehow, I think after that moment of him being with Brooke Shields, MJ's sadness and troubles sink in one by one... It's more like, the more popular he is, the more troubles are looking for him. I think the most heart-breaking ones is the child molestation charges against him.

Since young, when the first time I really know who is Michael Jackson, I think he's a very very good guy. Why I said that is because I always read the news or saw the shows on TV of what he did for the people in Africa, how much money he donated to help the poor and how much money and time spent from him for the children.

I always remembered one of his song lyrics from "We Are The World". The lyric goes something like this...

We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let's start giving
There's a choice we're making
We're saving our own lives
it's true we'll make a better day
Just you and me

There are a lot of other songs he wrote or co-wrote which have a very very good meaning. After I truly listen to the songs from his memorial then only I realized, most of his songs have a very very deep meaning, it's like he's singing to the world to save the children who are in need, save the earth for our own future as well as for our kids future, save the people who are in need of our help and so much more...

I seriously never realized the true meaning of his songs until yesterday when I hear the artists sang during his memorial... Yeah I admit I'm being ignorant and only keep my attention to him when he's gone... I'm sorry MJ but I truly truly love all your songs and I truly truly appreciate what you've done and try to do for us all through charity and etc...

I think he's not only a singer, a father, a brother and a good son... he's so so sooooo humanitarian that no one can truly be like him....

Please enjoy the pictures of him from the moment I get to know of him till the picture of the way I want to remember him as always... Those pictures that he didn't really go through a bad plastic surgery...

This is the first time I really get to know him, when he was given an award for something he did.
When I saw this, I was so curious who is he, why he get to stand beside the US President...

Then only I knew he did something for the people and he's been awarded by the President himself for what he did....


The most impressive image I have in my mind up till today is when after he took the award, he ran down from the stage and march/run with an army behind him, wearing the exact same clothing as you can see in the picture, waving to the crowd and smiling and blowing kisses to the crowd.

I was so impressed when I saw the video because it's like, he's an artists and there's a bunch of army running together with him like they're on a mission to save the world!!! I was in awe and I remember I said to myself that time, "I wish I could be like him, doing something that impressed the President"...

Then I got to know more of him when I saw his most popular records of all, Thriller...

This music video is so scary that whenever me, my sis and my bro were watching it, we'll skipped the part where he turned into a werewolf and was hunting for the girl in the music video. hahahahahaha...

After that, I got impressed with his dance moves in Billie Jean...

This is the music video that I think that he's quite cute even when I'm just... Standard 4?? hahahahahah!!! I think this is the time where he has not been introduced to Mr. Plastic Surgery...... I still think that his looks here in Billie Jeans is the most nicest and gorgeous looks he had....

His Thriller album cover... this picture is like he's trying to be the Prince in white horse... :D

He's the one who created this dance moves in Smooth Criminal music video... after that, a lot of people copied this dance moves of his....

I personally like this Remember The Time music video. It's because this music video got full of mysteries on how he tried to sneak in to look at the Princess Cleopatra behind the King's back...

Not only that, I'm in awe of all the glittery in the music video as well as.......... The Queen's sexy body!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!

He truly will give his all during all his performances.. Looking at this picture can see that he really love performing...

This is his famous pose after his Moonwalk if not mistaken... His legs is just marvelous!!!


He really is the King of Pop.. I think only he can pose such a pose so gracefully....

This is his biggest concert show (if not mistaken) during the 90's... He's full of ideas on how to capture the crowds attention...

After I saw Brooke Shields speech last night then only I know that she and MJ were used to be an item. The way she said how both of them likes to hang out together, have fun together and etc got me into some "research" mode between both of them.The results?? I found that, from the pictures, it looks like MJ were having the best time of his life whenever he's with Brooke Shields... Let the pictures do the talking...

Look at MJ's smile, this smile is so natural and light-hearted...


Again another of MJ's big smile when he's with Brooke Shields... He looks so relaxed when he's with her...

Both of them enjoying themselves, being so happy together....

Even after all these years, they're still a very close friends towards each other... even after he get to know Mr. Plastic Surgery...

Last but not least, his all time most popular dance moves, The Moonwalker......

May you truly Rest In Peace now, Michael Jackson... The one and only King of Pop...

The Story of 2 Big Pots

What came into your mind when you saw 2 big pots??
Some will think it's filled with golds,
Some will think it's filled with water,
And some minority will ask "Is it empty?"

To be frank, when I see 2 big pots, the first thing that came into my mind is

"Wonder if it's filled full of water?"

Then I'll get curious and try to open the pots cover to peep inside, where I look at the pots from the surface... Well then, when I managed to peep inside, it's really filled with water. Then I'll ask you this...

Will you check how filled up is of that 2 big pots?
Some will just look at the surface and ASSUME its filled to da max!!!
Some will even TOOK the water no matter it's filled or not... just take!!!
And some minority will check the exact water level of how filled up the pots was.

The answer is, both the pots is only less than half full... LESS THAN HALF and some still dare to TAKE water out from it...

I'm not even sure I'm under which category though... Guess I gotta take a test to see I fit into which category. But what I didnt like is some ppl thought they got the RIGHTS to take the water out from the pots. I wonder, have they ever THINK that the pots need those water too? I repeat, is NEED... So, why I said the pots NEED those water?

This 2 pots can't be dry. Once dry, it'll crack...

So if it cracks, it's like there's no "life" in the pots...

I guess some ppl are HEARTLESS and SELFISH huh?? Heartless is they KNOW the pots must have water in it, but just being ignorant, dun even care what happen to the pots at all... Selfish is they only care bout themselves and no one else...

What have this "world" becoming?? Really no eye see.....

It's been 4 years...

Yep... Time flies... and it's been 4 years now...

How are you doing?
It's really really been 4 years now...
And it felt just like yesterday...

Sigh...
Did you come back recently?
Have a look at us?
At all of us??

Things happened..
Can you feel the wind blowing?
Can you see the thunder roaring?
Havoc is coming...

Sigh...
Dunno how to clear this mess...
All and all...
Money is evil...

I miss you....
So do others I believe...
If it's not too much to ask...
Take care of them please...

Wish Me LOADS OF LUCK ~~~

Yes I really do need loads of luck...

I NEVER EVER realized that buying a car is so damn troublesome!!!!!!

First I bought a car (obviously)...

Then I was thinking to sell off my current car to the same company I bought my new car from...

Followed by me using my mom's name to borrow loan from the bank... and thanks the God that it got approved smoothly with only 2.32% interest for the car loan...

Everything was smooth so far up till yesterday!!!!!!!!

What happen is that I go find my own car number plate runner to buy the number that I wanted. It was OK and I managed too buy the number with RM600 (which I'm a bit 'sam tung' to pay 1 leh...)

Then I informed my salesman and told him about it and he just said that to give him the documents once I got the number.

Fine... everything is still OK.

But on Monday, as in 20th April 2009, at night, my dad informed me that the government decided to increase the car loan interests rates for foreign car (means those cars that's not Proton or Perodua lah). It raises at least 0.8% and effective Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me starting to feel faint... THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!!!!! Anyhow, the good news is, my loan is already approved by the bank and it's valid for 1 month until I (more like, my mom) sign the document to proof that we REALLY took the agreement.

Then the next day, I called up my salesman and ask him about the interest and he said I can still have the 2.32% interest provided that I have my number plates within this month!!!!! So I quickly call up my runner and ask if my tender number is out and bla bla bla.

Finally, my runner call me back yesterday to confirmed that my tenderred number are out and it's 100% mine!!!!! I'm sooooooooooo happy when I heard the news BUTTTTTTTTT.... sigh... He told me that I can only register the number on May 9th. SIGHHHHHHHH ~~~

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING ~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyhow, I informed my salesman and he said that he's worried my interest rates might follow the current rate which is AT LEAST 3.2%!!!!!!!!!!! Followed by my current car re-sell value might not be as much as he 1st informed me... ANDDDDD said that I might not get the new car within May 9th or slightly later than that....

THIS IS NOT HAPPENING ~~~~~~~~~~~

When I heard the news, I'm sooooooo stressed out cuz with the current interest rates, I have to fork out extra about RM6k++ leh!!!!! It's such a big difference!!!!!!

My friends and families around me kept advising me to ignore that tenderred number and go get a new ones. I really didn't want to do that cuz I'll be like, wasted my RM600 leh!!!!! Although it is better than paying extra RM6k++ but... It's so hard for me to get this number, and now I got it, I really didn't want to give it up loh!!!

ANYHOW ~~~ With Huei being such a brilliant friend (AGAIN... THANKS HUEI ~~~), she advised me to get my priority, start thinking through and suggest that I talk to the bank to see if they could extend my loan validity period.

After talking to Huei, my head came out with Plan A and Plan B.

Plan A
Call up the bank and ask for permission to extend the approved loan validity till I signed up with them. Tell them the reasons which I think it's damn valid loh!!! JPJ don't allow me to register my car number plates, I can't do anything ge woh!!! So I HOPE, I PRAY, and I WISH they would allow it to be extended!!!!!!! I HOPE, I PRAY and I WISH Plan A would work. Then the rest of the problem it'll be easier to solve...

Plan B
If the bank really don't allow me to extend the validity, I guess I got no choice but to buy another car number, WHATEVER number, and get on with the procedures so that I could still remain 2.32% interest. Then I will have to call up my runner and tell him that I have to get a new number without me needing to pay up extra RM210. How it works?

Well I can tell him to sell off my tenderred number with RM600, and use that RM600 to buy a new watever number for me (as long as it's not 174 or something like that, I'm OK lah). So in the end, he'll still earn that RM300++ mar rite?? I just hope that he agrees with it.

So that's it!! That's my plan and PLEASEEEEEEEEEE pray that Plan A works!!!!!!!!!!

Get Well Soon Ainuddin...

He got leukemia.

I just got the news yesterday. Confirmed by Gary and Chewdan...

2 bad news in 2 consecutive days............

I really really pray and wish that Ainuddin (Din), could get well soon either by having a bone marrow transplant or etc...

Just wished that he can be cured ASAP.

He's the guy I met when I'm working with TESS in BNM. He's in IT department and a very very laidback guy. He's willing to help me no matter how busy he is...

During the time I'm in BNM, enhancing and maintaining the ICSS system, I tends to asked him questions regarding Crystal Report.

Yeah I'm weak on Crystal Report and I sucked at it too. He's the one who teached me how to do groupings in Crystal Report.

He even gave me ideas on how to resolve some issues faced by the users where they're awaiting my solutions for them.

Sigh... Such a good guy, but got infected with leukemia... Really really wish he could get well soon... REAL SOONNNNN....

Get Well Soon Din..........

R.I.P Xron Sng...

********************************************************************

This post was written yesterday, 19th January 2009 when I've got
the news of Xron Sng passing...

********************************************************************

Early this morning, it's only about 7:30am or 8am, I was in the office and was checking my emails and facebook.

CheeHooi was awake and was chatting with me nicely, when out of a sudden, he told me that

"btw, sng passed away liao, got the news on midnite.."

I really really didn't want to believe him... But he never joked about this thing... And I got the feel that what he said it's true. I'm really really shocked beyond belief!! He then told me its a car accident...

I was really stunned by the news and really couldn't believe it. He's one of my ex-colleagues where I always tease him to pay up for the Obtech ORC funds.. but now he's gone... really really gone................

When comes about 9am, TzeLiang msged me to say hello on MSN and I quickly informed him of the news. He don't even believed me at all!! He kept asking me to stop joking when I'm dead serious. He even said that CNY is coming, don't curse ppl or joked about this thing. I've tried a lot of time to tell him that I'm dead serious!!! It shows that it's not me who don't believe of the news too.

When he finally believed me, he himself is shocked too!!

Right after lunch, I asked 1 of my ex-colleagues if he knows about the details on the accident and he gave me a website which shows the pictures of Xron Sng's accident and etc.

Seriously, during morning, I just felt really really shocked and really couldn't belief it. But when I saw that website and read on the news and look on those pictures, it really really saddens me. It even almost made me cry out right in front of everyone else in the office. Of course I'm able to control my tears, but it really really saddens me... I'm really really shocked.....

Although I'm not close to him, but I really felt sadden by the news...

It got me thinking.........

Life is really really very fragile........

You really wouldn't know when the God's above will want you back by their side.........

I always believed that, if you are able to go through Chinese New Year, you will be fine throughout the year...........

If not, you won't be able to go through CNY even it's only 1 day ahead of you............

And Xron Sng just leave us right before CNY where it's just few more days away....... What's worst, Wilson Poh told me that, his birthday is exactly on the 1st day of CNY... He can't even celebrate his birthday before his passing...........................

Sometimes I think that, God is cruel huh??

Sighhhh..................

Sometimes... When u see such tragic stories, you'll go back to thinking.......

I'll have to treasure those ppl around me, especially my parents... as they're getting older. But when u got back home, yes you'll wan to appreciate them and etc..............

But sometimes, their nagging is so irritating that you wont have the patience to stand cool........

Then u got angry........

Sometimes you are able to just ignore their naggings........

But sometimes....... It was testing your patience till you're not able to control it and you did what ppl will say as "mm hau soon" that you'll just scold back and said things you didn't meant......

When finally your temper are cooled, you felt guilty..............

I guess sometimes, God is testing us.....

Tests our patience to see how well we really respects and care for our parents.........

Sighhhhh...

Rest In Peace Xron Sng...

I AM fat... SO?!?!?!?

Yes I admit damn long ago and even up till now that I'm fat. So what!!??? Fat is a crime izzit?!?!?! If I'm fat, it will hurt your eyes izzit?!?! Then don't farking look at me lah!!!!!!

There are times when I really can endure people calling me fat, I can endure people calling me ugly... to a certain extend. Every human beings got their own limits. I guess I just reached mine...

All my life....... no that's a big too "kua cheong" if I said all my life... I would say, from Standard 5 (about 12 years old??) onwards, I got fat and from then on, a lot of people called me fat and not pretty and some even said I'm ugly. So what?? I really don't care cuz during that time, all I care about is my studies.

Since young, my parents been telling me to study hard, must have good grades so that we could be a better person in the future. So, I of course listen to them and I do study hard.... though there are times where I got rebellious and start to get lazy and etc. But still I tried my best in my studies though the grades is not 100% all the time.

I remembered, during when I'm in Form 4, there's my cousin's friend whom we met up for the first time and after that, they told my cousin that I'm not pretty and etc. Since then, I really don't care and start to get numb on people calling me fat. All I tell myself is this "There's no beauty without brain". So from then on, I really don't care what people said about me... why care right?? They may call me fat and ugly but if possible, I WON'T let them call me stupid!!!!!

Anyhow, I remembered during when SPM time is near, for the whole month, I did not watch TV at all and all I did was just study, eat, sleep, study, eat and sleep. During that month, even my sis got scared that I'll go crazy cuz all I did was just study and no entertainment at all. Anyhow, I got through my SPM with flying colors I might say... At least I aimed for 3A's but I scored 5A's. So... my hard work paid off....

Then comes college up till now, all the time, there's people around me saying me fat or INDIRECTLY saying that I'm fat and not pretty and sometimes ugly. Though they don't say it as if they're judging me but they said it in those "joking only lah" way... I really don't mind cuz like I said, it's more than 10years people calling me fat, so I got numbed by it.

Sometimes when they go overboard, I really do cry alone when they kept comparing, even my mom kept saying I'm fat and etc... But what the heck... fat.... so what?!?!?!?!?! As long as I'm able to earn money and I'm happy can adi lah!!! Why the heck you all care if I'm fat or not?!?!?!?

Sometimes, all this comparison and all this judgement, really got to me that I don't even know how to release my temper/sadness/frustration. It sometimes makes me asked myself "I'm fat and not pretty or even ugly, why do my boyboy like me?? Why do I even got a boyfriend???"

I even sometimes asked my boyboy, what he likes about me?? I'm not pretty and I'm fat, what is there in me for him to like me or even love me?!?! Sighhhhh....

I really am tired of all this people judging me... I wonder, they're so smart in judging other people, did they really go and look in the mirror and judge themselves as well? Most of the time, those that called me fat or not pretty or even ugly, they themselves is not as perfect as well, so what rights do they have on judging me??

Anyhow, I didn't want to be like them... so I won't tell them back that they're worst than me or whatever, I'll just take in whatever they said about me and just live with it...

I'm so so touched...

Last nite I finally managed to have a chat with my boyboy. With video chat summore!!! I was so so so happy!!! Oh he bought a new laptop and so... I'm thrilled!!! Been over 2 months i didnt see his face adi.. So that's why I'm over the moon now!!! :D

Here's the pic that I captured of him during our video call...

He looks slightly thinner!!!

And his hair is longer... :D

Then we were talking about how we miss each other and talk bout my disappointment in him of "something"... Then he told me the story bout the ring that I gave him during his Year 2006's birthday. That ring I gave him was as a replacement of me when he's in the US.

Yes during that time, he already informed me that he wanted to go US and so, I bought that ring just to accompany him when I'm not beside him...

So the story goes like this...

Boyboy:

remember in msia

i keep forget to wear (the ring)

Me:

yeah
Boyboy:

dunno whether got lost or put where

Me

yeah...

Boyboy:

it'll still re-appear

Boyboy:

just need time to find it

that shows that we r together

u understand what im telling u?

Me:

yeah

Boyboy:

so many times happen in msia

in here

i nearly lost the ring

i almosy cry

and feel so lost like crazy ppl

how can i lost it

thats happen during the trip to niagara falls

Me:

oh ok..

Boyboy:

in when i take the boat to see the 3 falls

the water so big ....

makes u wet

need to wear the poncho

then i take pics

suddenly i feel my finger

where is the ring

shit !!!

it drop dunno where

i search my pockets

dun have

shit

i search everywhere

dun have

me like crazy ppl

look here and there..

i dun even enjoy the scenery

everone is busy taking pics

im the only 1 busy squat down and walk here and there look for the ring

Me:

no 1 asked u wat u looking for?

Boyboy:

in my heart im so sad and dissapointed

why i lost it

cos too loose

then i say die la this time

ur present give me lost liao

no mood

then when boat go back

i didnt give up

i try to search again

alomost everyone got down

i still searching

at last ........................

hehehehehe

Me:

where it dropped to?

Boyboy:

i squat down and saw the gold blink ring

under the dunno what

i saw someonme got stick or not

no

Me:

lucky its still can be able to be found

Boyboy:

then the staff come up to sweep

then i tolf her i drop a ring under the ...

then she push the ring

at last i got back my ring

im so glad

i immediate put the roing in my shoirt pocket and lock it

make sure cannot drop out again

Me:

yeah

Boyboy:

then i really thanks the girl and ppl

i feel so much lighter by now

Me:

yeah

Boyboy:

then u say le

Is it something hidden behind the ring

then makes me think no matter what i must go back and marry u

i dowan to wait for visa or pr

to me ... most important is u

thats y i so wanted to go back

Me:

thanks hubby...

Boyboy:

in ur mail u ask me to save $$ to marry

i think i really cant save here

im sorry

maybe i can save when i got back msia

then i think of when i got job back in msia

we open a joint a/c together

then i will make sure to save some moeny inside each month

Me:

ok..

Boyboy:

thats y .... i might make the wrong decision coming here ... but i wont regret

i might make wrong decision again not going back the other day

but i wont regret

Me:

why?

Boyboy:

i knew i wasted so much money

but as travel and experience lo

money lost can earn back

Me:

hahaha

that word is wat chewdan kept telling me

Boyboy:

but experience cant buy with money

Me:

yeah i know

Boyboy:

its true

thats y although i spend so much money here

and didnt earn back the money ... i didnt feel so much pain

although got la

but not so much

cos i think i learn their culture

how ppl can come here for their life

some ppl dun even have

work so hard then die .... what for?

at least i came here .... see something ...

Me:

yeah... its true

Boyboy:

what do u think

Me:

i agree on it

anyway, about wat u told me

i'm really happy that u told me wats in ur heart...

but i'm thinking, since u've decided to stay till nov, u at least have to go get some job

u cant really waste ur time doing nothing and not save up anything

Boyboy:

when i got back ... i really need to save money

Me:

u cant really that, for the next few months u're there, u're gonna be not working

its really not possible

Boyboy:

i tot of not wasting time here .... cos the work here is tough

then i tot of quickly go back and look for a job

Me:

actually...when u said u were planning to come back on 23rd july

i was actually very happy...

and i really thought u'll come back that day

Boyboy:

im sorry

Me:

but when u said u were gonna extend, i just accept it and thought maybe u really wan to try again

i tot u wanted to try for another job again

so i let u...

so i tell myself, no matter how i miss u, u will still need to experience urself of working on a new environment

make urself more tougher

so i tell myself, just let u be and i'll still be waiting for u here, and support u

Boyboy:

guess i really fuck up ....

cant stay in tough environemnt

been pampered

Me:

maybe

but when u told me, during our chat, u said u never thought of working, i'm really disappointed

Boyboy:

u dissapointed with me

im sorry

Me:

yes

Boyboy:

huh...

Me:

cuz i really never expected that from u

when u're here, u never give up that easily

whenever u face a challenge, u will still go thru it

but when u really said those things to me, i am really disappointed and heart broken

it makes me feels that, u were like never thought of ur future, never tot of our future

Boyboy:

im sorry to let u down

Me:

and it makes me feels that, how come in kl u're so tough, but once in US, u were like that?

maybe i didnt support u enuff?

so i got frustrated...

that nite, i can hardly sleep

bcuz i'm thinking, here i'm missing u so much, kept on supporting u on watever u're going thru

supporting u on watever decisions u made, but how come suddenly u give it all up?

its like i wasted my "effort" in comforting u, supporting u, and especially missing u so much

so i got frustrated...

i cried... can say i almost cried the whole nite

Boyboy:

maybe im not that strong

then when u think now

im not suitable person

Me:

u imagine i really miss u a lot, its like there's really really something missing in my heart but i cant reach out to u

no... u're wrong

when i send out that email, thats wat i really feel... which is dissappointed

then after i send out that email, i was waiting for ur reply... but i got too tired so i slept early...

and when i said about "if i were to make the decision, the ending is not wat u might like"

i really tot of giving up...

cuz i felt so pain, i'm suffering

Boyboy:

i might let u down ... when im here ... for not working and saving money

but i promise u ... i really do care a lot and love u

Me:

then when i met up with gary and chewdan

i roughly told them how i felt

gary asked me not to make a harsh decision so fast

he said to let u reply the email and see wat u think

then on the drive home, i'm asking myself, am i willing to give us up?

Boyboy:

if u were to dump now ... i understand

i just feel so useless for cant work in the environment here

Me:

actually, even up till now, i dont feel u're useless

but i understand... cuz u've NEVER work in such a job b4

so its not surprising if u really cant do it

if ppl asked, they might say u're useless and etc

but i would ask them to TRY it themselves

and then oni say whether u're useless or not

bcuz "needle dont poke on them, they wont know the pain"

Boyboy:

that's why i wanted to go back and work and save money for our future

if u still believe in me and my personality and character

Me:

but seriously, during the drive home, no matter wat i , i still cant give us up

cuz i really love u a lot

wat gary said its true also...

he said i've know wat type of person u are, why suddenly make a harsh decision of giving up now?

he said "dont tell me, after 7yrs++ of relationship, now oni u said u're disappointed in him??"

Boyboy:

yeah

its ture

give me up for what i cant work here

i think its so unlogic

if i cheat u or beat u then its fine

leting me go ,... for i cant save money

i think its stupid

i so sayang u ...

hehehe

Me:

yeah i know

its just that, sometimes, i'm being too emotional that i didnt know wat to do

during that time, i just tot of giving up so that i wont suffer so much pain

Boyboy:

hai ya, "tou pei yin sat"

Me:

but in the end, i know even though i gave up, it'll caused more pain

Boyboy:

wrong way oledi

Me:

yeah...

Boyboy:

sor ju

oi mm oi ngo?

Me:

up till now, do u know how i feel?

Boyboy:

i ask first

see !!!

Me:

even we're so far apart, but we're still thinking alike

Boyboy:

i really think we r meant to be together

So that's how our conversation that I kinda like cried in between cuz I'm really really very touched by what he said to me. It really shows that he loves me...

I know some of you might've vomitted when reading halfway but I can say... I'm really happy... :D

Shayne Ward - Breathless Album

Yesterday I actually could've went home earlier... But as my mood up till today, still not good, I don't feel like going back home so early.

While driving home, I kept thinking where to go, who to ask out for dinner, or maybe walk around a park or something... But nothing comes to mind.

As I was driving, I was listening to my mp3 and suddenly thought that, since I love Shayne Ward's latest album, "Breathless" so much, why not I buy the original CD right??

So off I went to Sunway Pyramid and go look for his album. The first stop I went to Popular bookshop, as they do sell CDs too. But too bad, they don't have his latest album. So off I went to look for it at Tower Records.

Surprisingly, they're not selling any of Shayne Ward's album. Hmmmmm... that's a bit weird right?? Anyway, I try my luck at another CD store called "Fantasy". At first, I try to look for the album myself but as I searched for about 15minutes without finding any, I thought why not try my luck by asking the sales girl?

At first she thought I said "Shihwa" album, and she found it for me and said "This is the previous album that we have of them." I saw it and was like.. "Errmmm.. I'm asking for SHAYNE WARD's album", and yes, I have to speak more clearly and more loudly. Then she smiled at me and said "Sorry... heheheehe" -____-

In the end, she found the album and said that it's the last CD!! Wow... seems like Shayne Ward's album is quite popular huh?? So without thinking, I bought the album. Some of you might say, since I've downloaded his whole album online, why do I still waste my money on buying the original CD??

Well, to tell you the truth, this album of his, almost every single song really touched my heart. It's like something I wish someone would sing me those exact words and tell those exact words to me. It's really touching I tell you.

Since my boyboy is not here, it's kinda like, I don't have the love I wanted... So I'll just pretend Shayne Ward is my boyboy then... Just pretend that he's singing those words to me, to warm my heart... :P

Yep, it's TULEN!!! ORIGINAL!!!
The insides of the CD... Looks cool huh??
The back of the CD... pls ignore the reflection!!!
The sides of the CD... Yep.. Shayne Ward Breathless!!!
The receipt, RM35.90 ... click on the pic for better view...
To prove that I really bought the CD... :P

While on the way back to parking, I pass-by dunno wat court in Sunway Pyramid New Wing and saw that there's a Suzuki new car launching. Then I saw they've invited Ning Baizura as their performer... And I found out that she's a bit chubby... :P

Ning Baizura with new Suzuki car...

So so losts...

I am so dead inside.. So so dead..

Why? Cuz i miss my boyboy... So damn much that it's killing me.. Inside..

People might say, he's just gonna be away for 6 bloody months!
Yeah but in this 7yrs++ of our relationship, we've never EVER be away from each other for so bloody long!!

Then they might ask, so u cant live without him if he's away for so long?
Well i'm still surviving ain't i? But i'm dying inside. Might as well be dead! I kept thinking of him EVERY SECONDS of the day!

Or they might say, walao eh.. Like that also say die lar, cham lar.. Pls lah!
Well if u said that, this shows that u never EVER really love someone as much as i love my boyboy, so u wont freaking understand!!!

And they might finally say, time flies lah.. 6months, blink an eye then pass liao!
Dun bloody lie! I blink damn loads of time adi and it's just FINALLY ONLY 2month pass!! In 2months i'm miserable and so dead inside.. I cant imagine wat will happen to me after 6months ok?!

Yeah i do admit i'm those 'sticky' kinda gf but thats bcuz i just want to spend as much time as possible with my boyboy.. Someone i love so deeply.. Is that so wrong?

Sighhhh... I really really miss him...

I cant call him whenever i wanted cuz of the time difference..
I cant see his face whenever we chat online cuz he's using a public PC which dun have a webcam...
I cant feel his warmth whenever i need him cuz he's so far away...
And most importantly, i cant be by his side whenever we need each other's support...

God.. Can u feel my tears?

19th July 2008

Woke up at 11am by some "sorry wrong number" call. Why cant these people look at their phone's screen before dialing?!?! Been getting frustrated with all this wrong number calls.

After packing my laptop, I went to my boyboy's house in case he got letters and etc. Reached there about 12:35pm and was thinking if I should go "tapau" McD just nearby my boyboy's house. Oh well, am not hungry yet and am lazy to drive out again, so I switch on my laptop and start working.

Halfway thru, I got frustrated as the work is getting more and more complicated!! I am thinking of quitting or just give the hell up!! BUT......... a promise is a promise... So I forced myself to continue doing it no matter how complicated of difficult it is!!

By 7pm, I finally finished it and was getting dead tired! I've been sitting on that chair with that position from about 12:40pm till 7pm!!! I didn't even move my butt at all!! And I think I can't even feel my butt anymore. It's dead numb!!

As to relax my brain and as a celebration that I finally managed to complete my job, I read comics!! :D I read it till 9pm and was thinking it's time to go home. I was actually quite reluctant to go home cuz my mood is still not good ever since Tuesday and I didnt feel like seeing anyone or even talk to anyone. But it's late, so I forced myself to pack and get home.

Once reached home, I took my bath and planning to send the job out when I remembered that there's 1 more thing I've missed out. SHIT!!!!! Tried doing it for an hour but I really can't solve it. My brain is dead blank!! This time, I really gave it up and my head is aching again.

I send out the stuff and head to bed... Really "buay tahan" and my mood still stinks!! Sighhh... Anyhow, tomolo might be a better day, so... off to bed...

Hmmm.... When I'm lying in my bed, I remembered that I haven't eaten anything for the whole day!!! And surprisingly... I'm not hungry.... hmmmmm...

Oh well, I need sleep more than I need food!! Guess I could get thinner faster than I imagine!! :D

I'm lost...

Here I lie awake,
With tears in my eyes that won't go away,
Feeling lost,
Of my direction in life.

It was fun at first,
But it is not at last,
It was amazing in the beginning,
But it is not that great in the end.

I wanted to jump,
I wanted to leap,
But what's the point?
When I don't know what I want.

On the outside,
I look as if I'm doing fine,
But on the inside,
The comfort that I used to have is gone.

I drown myself with work,
I drown myself with activities,
Still... when nite comes,
All the sorrow are there by my side.

Dear god,
There is a blankness in me,
So please...
Fill in the blanks for me......

My cure...

From my posts yesterday, I guess most of you knew that I'm very emotional and was very down...

So during my "emo-period", I again go and consult Huei (THANKIUUUUUU!!!!!!) for advises as I dunno where to go to adi... I could feel that my head is soooooo super uptight and was stressed out as I think too much I guess...

Then Huei suggested I go to read a posts from this website regarding a person who is nothing but an ordinary and how he take things to his own hands to make himself a someone well-known.

After reading that super long posts, I realized that to make myself more happier, we should really "have the courage to follow your heart and intuition". I find this word damn true!!!!!! The only thing is, whether I dare enough to do so or not only...

But seriously, after reading that posts, I really felt a lot better and thanks to Huei (again.. THANKIUUUUUUU!!!!), for giving me support and encouragement, I feel a lot lighter and try to think things through by "zooming" out my focus and look at the picturer in a "wider" range. Well that quote is given by Kalei also... kekekekekekeke... but it's a good quote :D

So after that, I decided to let go of my stresses by........... GOING SHOE SHOPPING!!!!!!!!

So I asked my mom if she wanna follow me for shoe shopping at Sunway Pyramid, and I, knowing my mom, out of 100%, 90% also I know she'll go lah!!! :D So we've made plans by after dinner, we'll head straight to Sunway Pyramid and I finally ends up with a pair of new shoe for my work!!!!! :D

My new shoe from Vincci!!!

Nice bor?? RM55 only but is RM49.50 is you have HSBC credit card... 10% discount!!

Nice and simple rite?? :D

Did my feet look sexiER?? :D

OK.. I found that shopping with mom is quite fun also sometimes cuz she'll give me suggestions and even choose some shoes for me to try on... Although sometimes her taste is quite............... old lah... kakakakakakaak...

But all in all, after the shoe shopping, I felt better... :D What can I say... the cure for me is to get a new shoe!!! :D

All da best my Bro...

Aihhhh... I think GOD is playing with me........

Just about after 1 month, now I'm back to KLIA to send my brother off to Singapore for his 6 months training...

When I got the news, it was such a shock because it was just too sudden!!! And during that time, I'm not in KL... I was in Prai, Penang doing requirement studies... How I wish I could just 'fly' back home and be with my bro...

During the time when I'm in KLIA with my bro, his gf, my sis and my dad, my emotion is kinda like a roller coaster... Well although Singapore is much nearer to KL but still, I wont be able to be at home together with my bro to tease him, to start our bickering and to start our funny chatters...

Aihhhhh... I've been damn emotional lately due to the fact that I start to hate my job, I'm losts as to what I really wanted to do and most of all, I really hate KLIA... It's the place where I have to say goodbye to my beloved boyboy and now my beloved bro...

I got the news that my sis will be away to Houston, USA either end of next month (July) or early August. And she'll be away for a month... aihhhhhhhhhhhh....... I hate my life....... why am I always saying goodbyes to them for flying to some place but not me heh??

I wanna go US to be with my boyboy can?? sighhhhh... my life sucks....

Shayne Ward - Breathless

*******************************************************************
Sigh... I'm emo now... Accidently "tak jui" our CEO Chewdan...
Sorry Chewdan... my mood sucks... my life sucks!!! So I kinda
accidently affect you with my mood too... Really sorry....
*******************************************************************

I've been listening to a lot of Shayne Ward's songs lately and found that his album "Breathless" is a very good album!!! Love all his songs there and I would say that it's worth to buy!!!

If only someone would sing me this song..... I'll be super "lum sei"...

So enjoy the lyrics of this song!!!
____________________________________________________

If our love was a fairy tale
I would charge in and rescue you
On a yacht baby we would sail
To an island where we'd say I do

And if we had babies they would look like you
It'd be so beautiful if that came true
You don't even know how very special you are

[Chorus]

You leave me breathless
You're everything good in my life
You leave me breathless
I still can't believe that you're mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you're leaving me
Breathless

And if our love was a story book
We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about
How I'm thankful for the life we've made

And if we had babies they would have your eyes
I would fall deeper watching you give life
You don't even know how very special you are

[Chorus]

You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You're like an angel
The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You're something special
I only hope that I'll one day deserve what you've given me
But all I can do is try
Every day of my life

[Chorus]

Lyrics courtesy from AZLyrics.com

Lonely Weekend...

Woke up at 9.30am on Sunday and decided to go my boyboy's house to have a little clean-up and check if there's any mail in his mailbox AND also to wash his clothes... Well he's not here, why still got his clothes rite??

Oh well, previously when he's still here, he havent wash it yet mah... so now I go and wash for him loh... yeah lar... I lazy lar... now oni go wash... blekkkkkk...

So reach his house at 10.30am I think and start washing his clothes then vacuum his living hall... sweat a lot as his house is quite dusty... So finish vacuum and then go hang his clothes to dry...

When I wanted to go mop the floor, my boyboy called... hehehehehe... First thing he asks me is not whether I'm doing fine or not or etc... first thing he asks is this: -

"Hi, wake up adi or not??"

-_______________________- !!!!!!!!!!!

OK LAH!!!!! I know I like to sleep in late till the sun goes high up my ass during weekend but I also got wake up early once in a while ge wohhhhh!!!!!!! So bad lehhhhh~~!!!!

Anyway, we chit chat for about 30minutes or so and was planning to re-continue with my plan... which is to mop the floor... BUT~~~~~~~~~~~

After the phone call.... I got lazy.... HAHAHAHAHAHAA... So I didnt mop the floor loh!!! :-P

I got lazy AND got sleepy... so I pack the vacuum and store it properly and nicely.. then went upstairs to read a while of my ebook and then slept... kakakakakakakaka...

So I slept from 2pm till 4pm and quickly got up to take my bath... By the time I finished my bath, my stomach is grumbling damn loud adi... cuz since morning till now, I only drank 1 cup of plain water and nothing else...

So at 5pm, off I went to mamak and eat my 1st meal of da day... Nasi Lemak + Telur Mata Kerbau + Ayam Kepak + Sirap Ais.

My 1st meal of da day...

So that's it... That's all I have for Sunday and nothing else... well... got lar but its just some sour plum or something...I have to eat alone as boyboy not here, no one to teman me eat........ MISS YOU DEEP DEEP!!!!!!!

Emotional post...

I miss my boyboy...

I really miss him a lot...
I didnt know that being separated from him is so so difficult...
I thought i could be strong...
I thought i could go through it...
But its really really very difficult...

I miss being together with him...
With him by my side, watching tv together, joking together, teasing him, disturbing him...

I kept looking at the date..
Kept counting of when i could see him again..
If i can, i really wish to give up everything and be with him now..
At this moment...

My parents kept asking why did he have to go so far?
Can't he make a living here?
They just don't understand..
I didnt know how to explain to them, i didnt know how to tell them..
They don't know his situation..
They just dont understand...

Everytime he calls back.. I will always support him.. I will always give words of encouragement to him.. And i will try not to say something to discourage him.. Bcuz i know he's lonely there and i know he dont really have some1 to talk to when he needs to..

When he calls my parents, i really hope they could say word of encouragement instead of something discouraging...
I know parents are concern bout him and even felt heartache for he have to do something he never did b4..
And something so tiring..

But i guess that's part of a stage every1 has to go thru b4 they could succeed...

I really miss u my boyboy..
I'll kept counting the days till i could go see u again..
I love you.. ***

Till We Meet Again...

****************************************************************
Outdated post
****************************************************************

"I bought the ticket oledi..."

Time: 5.10pm
Date: 14th May, 2008
Day: Wednesday

It finally happen.. The "news" that I dreaded so much....................... Has finally happened...

In another 10days, I'll have to stop myself from crying...
I'll have to stop myself from looking sad...
I'll have to stop myself from looking pity...

Then...

I'll have to force myself to smile...
I'll have to force myself to accept the reality...
I'll have to force myself to let go...

And finally.....................................................

I'll have to send him away...
I'll have to hugged him so tightly as if there's no tomorrow...
Then, I'll have to wave goodbye....
To the love of my life......................
My beloved boyboy....................

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Updates*

Today I finally sent off my boyboy at the airport to a place where he promised that our future might be there...

When it's time for him to leave, I've tried so so so hard to stop myself from crying...
I closed my hand and then used my nails to pressed deeply into my palm, to stop myself from crying in front of my boyboy... but....................

When he hugged me, he cried... It's a very very sad cry... a very emotional cry that meant he didn't want to leave me alone, he didn't want to be separated from me, but its a choice that he's made and can't turn back...

Then, my tears comes so naturally that I'm not able to stop myself from crying... I hugged him so tightly that I wish I wouldn't have to let him go... How I wished I could joined him together... But it's too late now.......

With our lasts kiss goodbye, he left.............

I'm so glad that my bro and sis were with me... at least they're there to give me a mental support by being there for me... and at least I won't feel alone when my boyboy left....

But when we're heading off, my bro took a wrong turn from the parking exit that we'll have to pass-by the Departure Hall once again, that got me crying again...

Not sure if its faith or if the God is letting me to say goodbye to him once again, but when I passby the Departure Hall, I cried...

I cried so so hard... I really really will miss him... every second of every day... I really really wish I could go together with him...

I'm considered lucky that everytime I'm down, there's people around me who cared so much that they're willing to be there for me even though they didnt talk to me... I felt so so grateful to them to at least be there by my side when I need them... Thanks sis, thanks bro!!!

Then I'll have to of course thanks Kalei, Chewdan, Eric Leong, Ah Huei and Calvin Lu for supporting me all the way, to agreeing on my plans for my future and to give me ideas of how I could be with my boyboy sooner than I thought... without you guys, I'll be really really miserable... Kalei, I know you've had a super tired day today but still you're willing to come and cheer me up.. thanks a million!!! And thanks guys for the BKT session!!!

What I didn't expected is that even my mom and dad will also cry when my boyboy said his final goodbye to them... This shows that they've accepted him as part of the family and that they cared for him too... I'm really touched and really is happy that they've accepted him...

For you my boyboy, I'll be OK over here and don't worry bout me as I've got a bunch of people surrounding me who'll take care and be there for me... You just take care and call me whenever you need me no matter what time of the day it is... Just gimme a call and I'll answer and be there for you... I love you and till we meet again...

I failed...

This post is a bit outdated. Was written on Thursday night... So hope those who read this posts will understand. :D
********************************************************************************

I've been working in programming field for the past 4yrs and I've never delayed my work... Well I DID for few times... BUT normally even if I delayed, I would still know when I could deliver my job...

This time... It's the first time I failed........... Miserably........ Innocently........

This month is a very stressful month for me ever since I came back from my 2 weeks leave. *thats the reason why I havent been updating my blog lately. TOO busy!!*

1st, the moment I step into the office the 1st day I came back to office after my 2weeks leave, a colleague of mine told me to finish an enhancement within 3 days!

2nd, there's clients calling and emailling saying their system got problem/bugs which needs to be fixed ASAP.

3rd, my ladyboss told me to proceed with the Taiwan project after its been on-hold for quite some time and need me to finish it within 2weeks!

4th, I got an sms early in the morning last Tuesday from my dad saying my 7th aunt just passaway from cancer after she's been struggling it for some time. *Rest in peace 7th aunt. We'll always remember and always keep you in out heart!* Me, my sis and my parents rushed down to Singapore on that night to pay our last respect to her. So we're there since Wednesday till Friday.

5th, when I got back, I continue with the Taiwan project and got 1 or 2 meetings with my ladyboss... With that 1 or 2 meeting, I found that my ladyboss treat me differently ever since... Because of my 1 mistake of not following her flow...

Which actually I did follow but just with a small shortcut! She didn't like it, so she says:-

1. I wasn't ready to be a consultant.
2. My technical skill is not up to par!
3. I didnt gather user requirements or do anything during my time in Taiwan. *which I was suppose to go there for DEVELOPMENT and NOT gathering user requirements. And I DID DO SOMETHING, very busy in fact, when I'm there!*
4. I didnt go read her flow and do watever I want.
5. I didnt think like how a consultant was supposed to think i.e. Giving a GOOD solution and not giving unnecessary solution. *Harlowwwww... I'm in LEARNING STAGE here!!*

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... I know....... I know..... When you're working, thats what you gotta face and I do accept it...

But I giess wit hthe 1st time of me failing to deliver a project ontime WITHOUT KNOWING when I could actually finished it... That's a very hard blow to my ego.... as a programmer....

At 1am, I gave up my development and I really surrender..... My brain is stuck from over-stressed and tiredness and lack of sleep.......

I switched off the laptop and went upstairs to my room and hug my already snoring loudly boyboy. The moment I hugged him, I cried silently..... I really really am overstressed and I really dunno how to answer to my ladyboss tomolo....

I kept crying silently till I somehow felt a lot better. I think that my boyboy knew that I'm hugging him and even while sleeping, he could give me the comfort and suppoer that I needed so much now......

He somehow will move and put his leg over mine as if to tell me that he's there and will always be by my side no matter how difficult it is the situation I'm facing. Then he'll move his back to me to give me the warmth I'm seeking for....

I really do felt a lot better after all the crying and huggings... All I could do now is to wish for some miracle to happen tomolo.... *which I hope that my ladyboss wont scold me and are willing to give me more time for the project... Which I know is impossible....*