I AM fat... SO?!?!?!?

Yes I admit damn long ago and even up till now that I'm fat. So what!!??? Fat is a crime izzit?!?!?! If I'm fat, it will hurt your eyes izzit?!?! Then don't farking look at me lah!!!!!!

There are times when I really can endure people calling me fat, I can endure people calling me ugly... to a certain extend. Every human beings got their own limits. I guess I just reached mine...

All my life....... no that's a big too "kua cheong" if I said all my life... I would say, from Standard 5 (about 12 years old??) onwards, I got fat and from then on, a lot of people called me fat and not pretty and some even said I'm ugly. So what?? I really don't care cuz during that time, all I care about is my studies.

Since young, my parents been telling me to study hard, must have good grades so that we could be a better person in the future. So, I of course listen to them and I do study hard.... though there are times where I got rebellious and start to get lazy and etc. But still I tried my best in my studies though the grades is not 100% all the time.

I remembered, during when I'm in Form 4, there's my cousin's friend whom we met up for the first time and after that, they told my cousin that I'm not pretty and etc. Since then, I really don't care and start to get numb on people calling me fat. All I tell myself is this "There's no beauty without brain". So from then on, I really don't care what people said about me... why care right?? They may call me fat and ugly but if possible, I WON'T let them call me stupid!!!!!

Anyhow, I remembered during when SPM time is near, for the whole month, I did not watch TV at all and all I did was just study, eat, sleep, study, eat and sleep. During that month, even my sis got scared that I'll go crazy cuz all I did was just study and no entertainment at all. Anyhow, I got through my SPM with flying colors I might say... At least I aimed for 3A's but I scored 5A's. So... my hard work paid off....

Then comes college up till now, all the time, there's people around me saying me fat or INDIRECTLY saying that I'm fat and not pretty and sometimes ugly. Though they don't say it as if they're judging me but they said it in those "joking only lah" way... I really don't mind cuz like I said, it's more than 10years people calling me fat, so I got numbed by it.

Sometimes when they go overboard, I really do cry alone when they kept comparing, even my mom kept saying I'm fat and etc... But what the heck... fat.... so what?!?!?!?!?! As long as I'm able to earn money and I'm happy can adi lah!!! Why the heck you all care if I'm fat or not?!?!?!?

Sometimes, all this comparison and all this judgement, really got to me that I don't even know how to release my temper/sadness/frustration. It sometimes makes me asked myself "I'm fat and not pretty or even ugly, why do my boyboy like me?? Why do I even got a boyfriend???"

I even sometimes asked my boyboy, what he likes about me?? I'm not pretty and I'm fat, what is there in me for him to like me or even love me?!?! Sighhhhh....

I really am tired of all this people judging me... I wonder, they're so smart in judging other people, did they really go and look in the mirror and judge themselves as well? Most of the time, those that called me fat or not pretty or even ugly, they themselves is not as perfect as well, so what rights do they have on judging me??

Anyhow, I didn't want to be like them... so I won't tell them back that they're worst than me or whatever, I'll just take in whatever they said about me and just live with it...