Life's unexpected...

Today's post would be a bit sad as i just got a very bad news from my sis last night... The story goes like this...

I got an auntie staying in Singapore and she was diagnosed with cancer few years back. She's the type that is very quiet type. Dont like to spread the news and stuff... but her husband is very worried, so he informed the rest. To cut the story short, she finally went for the surgery when at first she reluctant to do so as she scared it's very suffering and will be in lots of pain. Her daughter is a nurse, so her daughter managed to convinced to go for the operation. She went for the operation and then also went for the treatment or dialysis as they say.

Finally she got the good news from the doctor that the cancer is totally gone or is in stable stage where it won't be "reactivated". During the dialysis process, though she's in pain, but she's very strong. She managed to go through it without a hitch. When she got the news from the doctor, of course she's over the moon! My uncle is very very happy and of course the kids is happy too. I am happy for her too cuz last time when she's diagnosed with cancer, from her face I can see she's in pain.

So she finally went through it all and live a very active life ahead. Then a few days back, while she's playing badminton, she fainted all of a sudden. Of course they hurriedly send to her hospital and the doctor said it might be because there's "too much water" (or something like that) in her stomach (or somewhere else i not too sure.). So the doctor said she'll have to go through a small operation where the doctor will have to suck out the water from her body.

The doctor is superbly surprised when he saw that what he sucked out is not water but its blood!! And it's 4 packets of blood!! Then the doctor of course continue to check on her and found out that her whole body is in fact diagnosed with cancer and the cancer has already spread into her bones. All her internal organs is spoilt by the cancer. So when she was awake, the doctor told her what he sucked out is not water but is blood. And the farking doctor so "sambil lewa" told her that her cancer is "reactivated" and she's now in the last stage of cancer which is it cannot be cured. Just wait for her time to come.

You imagine, you just woke up from the operation, the doctor didnt tell you to be prepared to get the news, but instead, being told head on and say you're gonna die soon. When I heard this, I really feels like killing that farking doctor! Can't he be more considerate and be in her shoes and see how she feels? First you're being told you're cured. Then after a few years, all of a sudden, you're being told you're gonna die. sighhhh...

Life is so unexpected don't you think? Sometimes I asked myself, why do good people has to go so fast while those bad guys can live for so long? I do ask why do God being so unfair? I realised that, the more older you are, the more people who are close to you go away one by one no matter they are young or old. It just all happen in a sudden.

Sometimes I feel that us human are being so selfish or being so un-appreciative. When the people around you are by your side, you didnt appreciate them. When they are no longer with you, you regret and blame yourself for not appreciating of what they have done for us. We instead blame them for doing what they've done for us when the things they try to help gone wrong. They're using all their heart to help you, but when it fails, you blame them. When its successful, you say you do it all alone without any help.

I used to be like that last time. But ever since my belated uncle passed away, I really opened my eyes and look at the world again. I start to realised that I'm being so un-appreciative. I regret for not being with my belated uncle more when I got the chance. A few months before he passed away, every sunday he cooked for us all. He cooked for us all without any complains though he's sometimes tired. We didnt even say thanks to him when he cooked for us. Instead, all of us complained and said that his cooking is bad, this and that. When we told him that, I can see it in his eyes that he's sad but he didnt scold us nor complain us for being un-appreciative. Instead he just smile at us and say he'll try to improve.

On the day he passed away, I can still remember vividly in my mind on how he lie on the hospital bed. On how he looks so still, eyes not even fully closed, and can see a little bit of tears in his eyes. Sighh... I didnt want to elaborate more as I'm trying very hard not to cry while I'm writing this in the office. I just know that, when I see him on the hospital bed, everything from the past comes back to me. I got a glimpse of how he took care of all of us no matter we were still kids or when we're grown. He's doing everything he can to make us all happy and hide his pain and suffering without letting us know at all. Then I regret that I made false promises to him. Promises of I will go and try his cooking specialty one day when I didnt go at all. Up till this day, I still regret. I miss him a lot....... and still do......

I talked to Gary earlier about what my auntie is facing and how sad i am to hear the news. He being a friend, advised me not to look into things in too detailed. He told me this, "just treat urself as camera... don zoom too much on the detail...better position urself at the safe distance... when u need to be sad, cry, then carried on. sometime u need to understand...nothing stay forever....don put urself into the loop that u sink into deep deep depression". When I see this, I really do feel better though not 100% as things said is easier than done. But I do thank him as he really tells me a very good advise. Though I know my boyboy will be able to comfort me more as he's a bit like Gary, see things more clearly than I do. That's why when I talked to them, I do feel better...