Goldfish aunty T_T

I was chatting with Gary this afternoon and I was asking him to recommend me some songs... Actually I roughly know his taste in songs are quite different from mine but sometimes... I've got nothing to listen to while working... any songs will do lah!!

So he sent me quite a few and all those songs that he sent to me are mostly the same kind... a bit of jazz, "cutey" type of songs... ermmm... aiiii... i dunno how to describe it... something like Joss Stone latest album type... that is... if u got listen to Joss Stone latest album lah... So below were our chat... and how i suddenly become "goldfish aunty"!!!

Me: hmmm... i finally caught ur taste in music... hahahaha
gary: which is ? young and dangerous.. ?
Me: no... errr... i dunno how to describe it... a bit of jazz type of music..
gary: then it must be love and sex
Me: -___-
gary: jazz sounds good.. light jazz..
Me: yes
gary: the traditional jazz makes me sick sometime..
Me: u should go to those jazz club some times.. u wanna try?? i know a place ah... wan?
gary: got stripper ?
Me: <_<>no lar!!
gary: u sounds like... gold fish aunty..
Me: =.='''
gary: ju: di di ..wan to see gold fish...
gary : o.0
ju: i know a place ah...
Me: i tot u quite like jazz, so i got the good intention of bringing u to try it out... but...... u said i'm goldfish aunty.... i sad liao lar...
gary: gary : T_T...ma ma... dont.. sad no good for the baby..
Me: =.=''''

It's coming....

Suddenly feel very emo... might be due to I've re-watched the taiwan drama The Rose... Watching the episode where the eldest bro needs to live outside due to disturbance from the fans on the book that he wrote...

Well, when I saw this episode, it made me think of my boyboy gonna go to somewhere for few years to achieve his dream... The sad and hurt feeling is coming again... Then there's my bro's gf who is going to spore to work... I can see that my bro really don't agree with her going to spore to work but due to some reasons, she must go...

I could understand my bro's feeling... I can see from his eyes and from his facial espression that he's not willing to let his gf to go spore to work... but he can't being so selfish, so he force himself to accept the fact and even force himself of being supportive... What he feels right now is exactly how I felt whenever I think of my bf going to achieve his dream... I think Calvin might feels the same too............

I just got a call from my boyboy this afternoon telling me that he already got whatever he needs and is ready to apply the visa... It's just a matter of WHEN he gonna go apply it... which I think is REAL SOON... When I heard the news, I'm truly happy for him.. cuz his dreams is just an application away.. but when we hung up, I felt sad... really really sad... cuz whats in my mind is totally blank and contains only this sentence, "My boyboy gonna go away for few years... me how?? me how?????"

So it's really coming... the time is near where he'll fly away... far far away... to achieve his dream... Seriously... I do want him to go ahead... but there's always a small/tiny part in my heart which kept calling him not to go... sighhh... I guess life's like that huh?? Full of choices... where the choices are hard to make... Full of ups and downs... where we must go thru it to test ourselves...

So I really have to pray to God... please........ make me strong.... let me go through this............ please............

~ Because of you I'm whole ~

Unlucky...

I pray to God that I won't be the unlucky ones... but as per my today's title, it's for my beloved friends like Jace and CCLam, both of them been unlucky... both facing the same thing... accident but luckily, pretty lil' Jace is not as serious as CCLam... Hopefully both of them will recover real soon...

I chat again with CCLam today noon and he said he's better... I asked in more details bout his accidents bout how it happen and stuff... the story goes liket his....

He's driving along Jln. Kuching (on fast lane!! dun play-play!!) on Friday nite and i guess he's speeding a bit. Then out of nowhere, a Proton Iswara suddenly wanted to turn into the fast lane. So in order to avoid collision, CCLam made an emergency brake and his car skidded and hit the divider. I guess he hit it pretty hard and so, he's concern bout his car, he look around (he oledi stopped his car and is still on fast lane) to see if it's safe to get down the car and check his car.

So he said there's not much car, he switched on both his signal lights and got out of the car and is standing in between his car and the divider. Then out of nowhere, a Proton Wira hit his car "butt" and CCLam is being dragged for about 1meter from the place he stopped his car. So u can imagine the impact!!! Luckily, most of the impact is being absorbed by his car "butt" and so CCLam is still OK but is injured!!

Then the foreman came and fetch him to the hospital and all his medical fees is being paid by his insurance company. That "FARKER" who bang CCLam are not able to send CCLam to hospital due to his car is in heavy damage as well. So for "in-depth" information bout AFTER he went to hospital, please do ask him in person. I didnt ask further as I'm shocked beyond speech after i heard he said he's being dragged for about 1meter!!!!

anyway I just hope he'll recover real soon as he said he's better but still got slight pain... God Bless CCLam!!!!

CCLAM ACCIDENT!!!!!

Yes u saw it right.. our beloved CCLam met with an accident last friday... and i got to know it oni today.. T_T Sorry yah CCLam.... No one told me leh...

I didnt know bout the details but i just know that a stupid youngster (which are probably blind too!!) knock on CCLam IN PERSON!!!! I think CCLam is standing beside his car, trying to open his car door(like i said, I'm not too sure bout da details... just my guess), then out of nowhere, he bang on CCLam and his car. So the youngster of coz scared the shit out of himself, quickly send CCLam to hospital as our beloved CCLam is in great pain and probably is bleeding a lot!!!

Then once CCLam is in the hospital, that STUPID COWARD ran away WITHOUT giving any compensation for CCLam's injury and also didnt even give a single CENT for CCLam's car which I heard need to overhaul!!!! And need to take for a WHOLE MONTH to repair summore!!! kanasai ah... when CCLam told me that the stupid blind COWARD youngster didnt even pay or anything, I'm super mad!!!

Then nvm, CCLam was being stitched up for 14 stitches in total!!! 14 farking pain STITCHES!!!! Imagine hoh... CCLam told me yesterday he was still in great pain, today oni better a bit... U see... Friday accident, must be pain like shit adi... then sat and sun also still in pain!!!! So he have to suffer for 3 farking days in pain!!! While that stupid BLIND COWARD youngster sit at home shaking leg!! NIA MEHHHH!!!! REALLY "BOH GAM UAN"!!!!

anyway, I wish CCLam will heal faster and hopefully he wont suffer any more pain... really pity him... Really scared the shit out of me when someone told me he met with an accident. I thought he was inside the car during the accident... When he told me he was DIRECTLY being hit by the car, my "sai" really almost come out... but luckily he's OK but of course still in pain. So I pray he'll really heal faster and no more pain...

I'm fine...

Sorry for not updating on how am i lately. Well to tell u the truth, I've been busy, thats why i didnt update my blog for the past few days. I actually just got back from an outings with my friends and also with Jaceleen. We went to a bar at the curve called The Sanctuary. I tell u a secret... Jaceleen can really drink!!!!!! If I'm not mistaken, she took more than 8 glass of Black Label with Coke!!!! I took around 5 glass and I'm starting to feel drunk...

For Jaceleen, I think she "tak ada rasa" like that. Reason why I said this is because when we wanted to go home that time, all of our faces is red and all of our faces can be seen as a bit drunk-ish... For her, she's still like normal!!!! So she geng chao or not?!?!?!?!?!?!

Anyway, I think I've considered pass my "emo" state as I've been thinking more clearly now. During the time when i'm still confused, my mind is totally jumbled up. I dont even want to see my boyboy at all when he call me out for movies and some outings. Dont ask me why, maybe i'll be extremely sad when i see him again... Then on Wednesday, I went to The Curve to walkaround as I got nothing better to do. Walking halfway, I feel extremely faint!!!

Maybe because I didnt take my dinner and I was in a totally stressed up state, so i felt very very faint all of a sudden. I quickly search for a bench and sit down to rest myself. During that time, my mind suddenly pop up this "message" saying: -

"I love my boyboy. Why do I want to give him up so easily just because he wants to achieve his dream? If I were to be a good gf to him, I should be happy for him that he could achieve his dream. It's not like he didnt want you. He wants you!!! He already confessed it a lot of times for the past few days to tell you that he really loves you. So why are you being so selfish by hurting him with not seeing him and not calling him for the past few days? What you did will hurt him even more than you hurt!!"

So with that, I realised that love need sacrifices in order to make both parties to be happy. So no matter how long he'll be away, as long as he's happy and he still loves me, I shall wait for him and support him all the way. He's just a few hours away by flight. So if i wanted to see him, I could fly there anytime just to be with him... With that, I felt better, I immediately call him up to see how's him and if he's OK. Of course he's very concerned bout me and wanted immediately to come see me when I told him i felt faint earlier. I managed to assured him I'm OK and he can continue with his work as he's still working that time.

I call up just to say I really miss him and if he wanted movies tonite, I'll accompany him no matter how tired i am. Of course being the considerate him, he ask me to take dinner or at least eat something so I could feel better and ask me to go home and rest immediately. I felt his concerned and his love for me. I feel very happy and I'm really grateful that I could find someone so caring and loving to me.

Is this a sign?

I had a dream last nite. Can say it's a very bad dream for me as I woke up, I could feel the tears in my eyes flowing down on my pillow. This is the second time I cried while I'm dreaming.

The 1st ones would be when my beloved Uncle Alan passed away after a year, he came into my dream. He told me to take care of his beloved kids especially Shaun. I guess he knows I love Shaun like he's my own younger brother. When he's "leaving" my dream, I held out my hands and kept shouting to him "Don't leave ber gu!! Please don't leave!! I missed you a lot! Please...!!!", and that's when I woke up, my hands are held out and my tears are flowing non-stop.

This the 2nd time, I dreamt that I argued with my boyboy in the car. I don't know what we argued about but it's quite "heated". In the end, I cried and told him "I'm like this! If you can't accept it, then we just break up!!". Then I got out from the car crying non-stop, hoping he'll come and chase me to say he's sorry or watever as long as he don't want to break up. But when I turn around, he drove off angrily, like he didn't care at all. Then I cried so hard that I lie on the floor, in the middle of the road, crying uncontrollably. Then I woke up. That's when I felt the tears in my eyes, flowing again onto my pillow.

I wonder if this is a sign to tell me to just give him up? If it is, I really can't let go. I really don't want to let him go. Everytime I thought of it, my heart ache so much its like a knife stabbed on it. What should I do?

Below are the songs I listened to currently and it's like what I feel right now...

Taken all I could take and I cannot wait
Were wasting too much time
Being strong holding on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won’t give up that easily

Blow it away, Blow it away
Can we make this something good
Well I'll try to do it right this time around
Let’s start over
I'll try to do it right this time around
It's not over
There’s a part of me that’s dead and in the ground
This love is killing me, but you’re the only one
It's not over
--- by Chris Daughtry "It's Not Over"

Hey baby, when we are together, doing things that we love
Everytime you're near I feel like I’m in heaven, feeling high
I don’t want to let go, girl
I just need you you to know girl
I don’t wanna run away, baby you’re the one I need tonight
No promises
Baby, now I need to hold you tight
I just wanna die in your arms
--- by Shane Ward "No Promises"

I'm listening to this song and hope I could really move along....

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold
Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
--- by The All-American Rejects "Move Along"

"Will u wait for me??"

How do u answer that when u got to know that ur boyboy of 6yrs planning to go somewhere far for more than 4 years?? I'm super down today as i dunno wat should i do anymore... If i said no, its like i'm not supporting him to achieve his dream... if i said yes, i wouldnt know what will happen to us when we dont get to see/hug/comfort each other anymore when we're so far apart.

His dream is to go try living in overseas... to those country that's not under the command of Islamic people. He wanted to try living out there, to see the world, to experience what it was like living far from home. I know this is his dreams all along and now he MIGHT achieve it, so should i stop him?

In the end, all i could say to him is this: -

"Go achieve what u wanted all along. Don't care bout other things. As long as you're happy and achieved your dream, just go do it. As for us, let fates decide. If we're still together after so long apart, then we're meant to be together. If we cant maintain, it means we're not meant to be together."

I took so damn long to said this words to him today. It hurts me so so so so much when i said this. I love him. I have to be supportive of what he wanted even though I might lose him with my decision of supporting him. I couldn't be so selfish as not to let him achieve his dream. Like what Gary told me, either 1 party would have to sacrifice. These things won't work both ways. It's either you sacrifice or he sacrifice. So I chose to sacrifice. I'm not sure if this is called sacrifice but I just know that I couldn't be so selfish. Now all I can do is just pray for the best.

Though decisions are made,
Why do I still feel so down?
Why do my heart hurts so much?
Why do my tears keeps flowing?
Why do my soul feels so lost?
Why do my body feels so cold?
Where's the warmth gone to?

I'm TOUGH!!!!

Dun misunderstood lar... it doesnt mean that i'm tough physically ler... it means i'm tough mentally ler... why??? physically me not tough cuz...... dunno leh.... being born like that mar... although i'm fat... but it doesnt mean i'm tough physically mar.. true???

Well why i said i'm tough mentally.... hmmm... ok the story goes like this.... After joining teddy's company... meaning my new office also lar... teddy has assigned me a project whereby i must finish the prototype of an online system to "demo" it to our company's partner. Well i cant reveal much about this system and about the partner as this is quite "con-pi-dential"...

I was doing it since the 1st day that i joined the company up till today... Thursday... the 4th day i'm in the company. The system can say not-so-easy and not-so-difficult.. depends on ur programming skills lar.... so yeah.. i'm quite weak in ASP .Net or can say... I'm weak in .Net programming language... i was coding 1 part of the system that i found it quite difficult till i have to search high and low to see how it grabs the data from a particular variable....

Actually... the whole system is a "dupe" from a system that have gone "LIVE"... its just that i have to amend it to become another similar system but more user friendly lah... It actually was developed by Teddy and his team. I didnt ask teddy straight away on how the variable capture the data 'cuz teddy is super busy... yes he's absolutely SUPER busy... even shit also he got no time... stomach ache also have to tahan the shit... so u say... "kelian" him or not leh??

Anyway, at last, i "buay" tahan oledi.... i search for almost 2 hours also i cant find how the stupid variable capture the data... then when finally teddy "appear" out of no where (he got meeting almost whole day today, so cant really see him at his place mar..), i quickly pull him and ask: -

Me: "Teddy ah... how did this thing capture the data 1?? I do until blur blur adi leh... 'manyak' headache leh.."
Teddy: "Orhhh... this 1 grab from here.." *click on the screen tab* "Then it will get a temporary table from here.." *click on various tab ledi... my eyes start to go blur ledi..* "Then like that loh.. the data is stored in this variable... Walao u do this so easy oledi said difficult ah?? then if i give u do ERP, u lagi faint ah!!"
Me: -____- *his word seems quite harsh* "Orhhhh... like that lar... okok... now i understand liao..." *I really understand 1 ok?? no play play hoh!!*

Sighhh... he said that... i really stunned for a while before i answer him leh... but anyway, i wont take it to my heart as i know i'm "char" in this .Net... so i'll try my very best to improve myself!!! his word is some sort like an encouragement to me to be better!!!

So i finally managed to do it and was working till quite late.... around 7pm, the receptionist passby my place and said this: -

Recep: "Eh u havent balik ah??"
Me: "Yeah loh not yet..." *eyes still looking at my monitor* (do work till 'kan cheong' ledi mar... dun 1 to have any distraction!!!)
Recep: "Wah this is ur 1st week joining the company already so hardworking ah?? hehehehe.."
Me: -____- *she said this seems quite harsh also* (FORCED to look at her and smile) "Ya loh... need to rush something mar... :D" <-- super fake BIG smile

Walao... 1 day kena errrr.... kena.... HARSH words TWICE leh.... mana boleh???? well... nvm... i tahan loh... this is working life mar... ok lar... take a deeeeeep breath... so nvm... talk watever they want lar... i'm TOUGH!!!!

Byebye Kompakar eRetail...

Well i was planning to update my blog during my last day at Kompakar eRetail but i was too busy till got no time to even go "poo poo" leh!!! I have to handover all the stuff that i'm handling over to cclam and another colleague...

On my last day, i was planning to treat all my close colleagues for dinner so I've invited a few and 1 of them, Joon, gime this cute little cup with chocolates in it!!! THANKS JOON!!!

She knows i lurrrveee chocolates!!

Then after dinner, almost all of us except Joon went to Sava at Uptown Damansara for the "next session" of farewell for me... those who went are me, Ming, KCWong, CCLam, KSTan, HongYi, Lai, SengKit (Senior VP!!!), Sam, WeiPoh and Austin. Below are some pics that i took with them... after which most of us are quite drunk!! hahahahaha...

Me and Ming (my goodness!! my face so red!!)

Me and KSTan (leng chai bor?? still single!!)

Me and Sam (soli though he leng chai, he not available liao...)
Me and CCLam (too bad his eyes is closed!!) Me and Lai (cute bor?? still single too!!)
SengKit and Me (pai seh this pic too dark...)
Me and WeiPoh (he's leng chai too but ngam ngam married..)
HongYi and Me (a bit dark but he's leng chai too!! still single!!!)
Me and KCWong (the hamsap lou!!! but he's friendly. ANY girls also ngam!!!)

Austin and Me (not so close to him but.... take pic oni lah!!)

Me and KSTan (there's story behind this pic....)

Me, Lai and KSTan (he's too cute to resist!! even KSTan wanted to kiss him!!)

Me and Sam (he insists this pics looks more nicer... on him of coz!!)

So u all have looked at all the leng chais... so which 1 u guys think is the most leng chai 1?? if u wan to get to know them, come out and have a beer then i'll intro them to u... hahahahahah... they like beers.... like the old saying, which guys dun like beer AND girls?? hehehehehe...

The pic where me and KSTan was laughing so happily... well the story is like this.... KCWong took that pic with me is.... in my opinion, VELI DISGUSTING!!! I didnt know KCWong was showing out his tongue while taking that pic, thats why when they almost snap it, my eyes looked away cuz i SENSE there's something wrong. but too bad, i didnt managed to stop him on time, they took that pic adi....

So KSTan planned to do the same... he asked KCWong to count till 3, then oni snap the pic, but KCWong oni count till 1, then he kept quiet... then after 20 seconds, he snapped the pic... during that time, KSTan is still looking at the camera, but after KCWong counted to 1, KSTan turned his face and act like he's kissing my cheek!!!! i didnt know it after KCWong snapped the pic AFTER KSTan turned away... again i sense there's something wrong, but since they snapped the pic which looked decent to me, i ignore it and tell KSTan this, "What were you doing!!!!".

Oh well, maybe when they're drunk, i looked pretty attractive to them... HAHAHAAHAHAHA... i just know that, that nite, SengKit treated us 3 bottles of Black Label which all of us finished it within 2 hours... while another 1 more Black Label from WeiPoh which we didnt managed to finish it as all of us KO-ed adi... half way thru, KSTan bring a few of the guys outside to eat "lok-lok". I guess they're hungry after all the liquors in their stomach... hahahahaha...