WHOLE WEEK ON LEAVE!!!

fuhhhh... cant wait to see the clock go 6pm!! after today, i'll be on leave for da whole week!! *winks winks* akakakakakaa.... well u must be wondering, whole week leave, do wat rite??

oh veli the easy... well last time i went to HK for a week with my boyboy and my family rite?? when i reach there, my boyboy's colleague, she's Angela, bring us around and tell us what's nice to eat in HK, wats the best shop in HK and stuff like that. so my and my family is super grateful to her since she really accompany us from day till nite till midnite.. imagine she still have to go back her house during midnite..

ok back to topic, so.... Angela is now coming to KL for my boyboy's boss wedding... da boss is only 28 years old leh!! but not leng chai 1... kakakakaka.. hope he didnt read this!!! if not i die kao kao... so anyway, Angela is here in KL till next next monday... so she came main reason is to attend the wedding (see!! she damn good leh...), then to travel around msia loh... so my bf also took 1 week off to accompany her loh... and of coz, the groom and bride will follow us to go travel as their pre-honeymoon... hehehee... but too bad, they oni book 2 rooms with 6 ppl.. so gotta share room with 3ppl for each room... so u imagine hoh, they on honeymoon leh.. wanna do some "project" also susah... hahahahahahaha....

so our plan is as below: -

tomolo (saturday) - attend the wedding reception and then at nite attend the wedding dinner
sunday - early morning go eat dim sum at jln ipoh/sri petaling, then head down to ipoh to makan pre-lunch, then walk around ipoh b4 head to penang. when reach penang, we of coz go check-in, have a while rest for da drivers, then start our journey of MAKAN-ing!! yes yes i know i know, i'm on diet mar... i'll eat 1 BITE for EACH food they ordered loh.. ok?? dun scold lar... i'll jaga my body 1 geh... kakakakaak...
monday - still in penang, so we'll go travel around penang and makan around also loh... dun worry, i'll try to take as much pic as possible on da food of coz!! i wont take my own pic 1 lar.. so fat.. no need see my fat face lar... if got take also i wont post loh!! muaakakakakakakaka...
Tuesday - we'll head down to langkawi for a nite since Angela never been to langkawi b4 mar.. so let her have the chance to try some cheap booze in langkawi and we'll try to make the groom go drunk!! kakakaaaak....
Wednesday - balik KL loh... after so many days travelling, of coz need to go home rest ge mar... rite?? ah boh kesian my boyboy neh...

so u must be wondering, why take thursday and friday off when i'm back to kl?? oh veli simple, wednesday come back, after long journey in da car, butt also pain loh sit so long, 5 hours leh!! so thursday is the day for me to rest my butt, my eye, my leg, my mouth and most definitely my stomach loh... kakakakakakaka... although each food oni take 1 bite, will still make my stomach veli the full 1 geh... i think...

then friday why on leave?? aiseh... so obvious... still dunno meh?? since it's the last day of da week, u think on friday i still got mood to work meh?? of coz take leave also lar!!! summore i heard thursday is selangor and wilayah holiday, i believe a lot of ppl will on leave on friday also ler... rite??? hehehehee...

eh wait... my story havent finish... so comes saturday, we'll be off to Melaka for a nite stay since Angela also never been to Melaka. so we'll of coz bring her to eat the oh-so-famous chicken rice loh... dun worry, i'll make sure to take pic of the chicken rice ball also geh...

so sunday come back, my parents will bring angela out to dinner as they promised her that, the next time she's in KL, my dad gonna treat her dinner since she's been such a good tourist guide to bring us around mar... so that's how my week of "on leave" will go... hope everything goes smoothly loh... i'll try to upload some pics when i got back... so dun miss me while i'm away loh... kekekekekekeke... damn perasan me!! kakakakaka...

diet complain-ERS..

hmmmm.... i guess i've been WISHING to diet since form 3 and till now, i'm still saying the same thing, "I WAN TO DIET!! I WAN TO KEEP FIT!!!". and till now also boh result!! an jua?!?!?!?

then i decided to try again for 2007 and see if it will a lil' bit of result bor. there's another colleague heard that i wan to diet and keep fit, so she also follow and said she also wan to do the same. then i told her i bought some drinking product that could help in slimming and stuff 1 loh. then she said her product is different, those in pills and tea "format" 1. so i say, u try ur product, i try mine, see who works the best loh. so now 2 months adi... and i got a bit result leh... well mai ani kuan lar... a bit rather than dun have rite??? so i checked and found my waist thin 1cm, my thigh 1cm, my butt also 1cm. total 3cm in 2months leh!!! not bad hoh?? gotta keep up the good work.

oh i forgot to tell u, almost the whole office know me and my fren, lets call her M, wanna diet and keep fit. so cclam, which is my colleague now (and also my colleague in my ex-company), always go lunch with me and M 1 mar. so last time he got join fitness first some personal trainer program where the trainer will tell him eat this, cannot eat that, drink this, cannot drink that for 3months. he said he managed to follow the instructions and stuff loh and really can see he's more FIT and more LEAN loh. yeah i really can see but then quite sing koh leh... cannot eat this cannot eat that lehhh... u know lar, normally fat ppl like to eat 1 mar!! kakakaka...

so whenever me and M go lunch together, he will lunch with us also. then when we took our lunch to the table, he'll look at our food and say, "so this is ur so-called diet ah? oledi fail lah!!"
-___- so that's the expression we give him.... i'll give u an example of the conversation hah: -

cclam: "hahaha... this is ur so-called diet ah? fail oledi loh!! hahahaha.."
me: -__- "aiyoh i dun eat all the rice lar.. eat half of it loh.. then see, i got 1 vege, 1 egg and 1 meat mar..."
cclam: "u know ah, last time my trainer said, eat more vege, try cut down on meat. if can, 1 small piece of meat can oledi..."
me: "oh my product that i drank 1 hoh, i can take half bowl of rice, 2 vege and 2 protein for my lunch and dinner geh..."
cclam: "that 1 not accurate 1. me for the past 3 months, always eat those veli 'ching ching' stuff 1. easy for digestion. no oily food ah. fried stuff definitely cannot ah.."
me: "orh... yes lar... know lar..."
cclam: "know then u still eat so much fried stuff? fail oledi lar.. might as well no need diet... hahahaha.."
me: -___- ".........."

so sometimes it is good to have a friend to remind u not to eat this and that while u really wanna diet, but then, if EVERY MEAL also he complain.... u really.... sighhhhhhhhhhhh....

but at least i can lose a few cm(s) wor!! rite???? kakakakakaak...

STUPID BIATCH!!!

i know the title is mean but i got no choice!!! yesterday around 8.45pm i was fetching my mom to go look for my kai yeh since we long time also didnt go find him liao... so i was driving through kesas highway to cheras...

well as i was going down to the kesas highway after the sunway toll, from the fourth lane i need to go into the 3rd lane, since the fourth lane will be cut off after 200m, i put my signal and was driving at 80km/h. i saw there are 2 proton waja kinda like racing each other at the middle and the 3rd lane. still i NEED to go into the 3rd lane but that stupid biatch still driving so fast!! anyway, i plan to let her pass 1st but she's like going slow all of a sudden... then i thought, ok she's letting me pass 1st, so i put my signal, and was on the way to turn into the 3rd lane, she tekan her oil pedal and driving fast all of a sudden!! i was a bit shocked and i quickly go back into the 4th lane and then emergency lane as the 4th lane been cutoff.

that stupid BIATCH summore flash her light on me!! in the car, i was there cursing and scolding her... u wan to drive fast, drive lar... why go slow down and wanted to let me pass????? TMD!! KNN leh... t*uuuuuu.. well of coz my mom heard my cursing and stuff and she advise me, "nvm lah... let her pass lar, we drive slowly loh.. we drive slow also we will reach our destination 1, no need to kan cheong 1" sighhh... ok fine... its not that i wanted to speed 1... oni that stupid BIATCH dunno how to drive!!!

anyway, i drive 80km/h then since my mom is in the car... ah bor i'll definitely "fly" 100++ km/h on my kelisa since it's a highway... if not, she'll hold the door frame like her life is depended on it and will say "wui, drive slowly lar... no need so fast 1... u drive like cow oni"

so i was about to reach my kai yeh house.. and was at a T-junction where i was at the main road, another BIATCH at the junction, that biatch was on my left and wanted to turn into the main road. i can see that she's looking towards her left from that junction and planning to drive straight into the main road WITHOUT looking on her right side, which the way i'm coming towards... so i reach the junction, and that biatch is still planning to come out!! TMD!! when her car was halfway out of that junction, i was forced to go into the 2nd lane in order to avoid the collision, i honked her damn kao loud!! i stare at her, she stare at me... she stare at me nvm... still wan to use that stupid LAN SI face to stare at me!!! WALAN EHHHHHHHHHHH!!! it's her fault she still want to be so lan si ah????? ur license is kopi-o license ah??????

then of course i use my super angry lan si face to stare back at her and PURPOSELY honk her another time!! MUAHAHAHAAHAHAHA... if not, my "fire" wouldnt go down so easily!! i wanted to show my middle finger to her, but my mom is there... so better not... ah bor my mom scold me like mad...

my goodness!! met 2 BIATCH at 1 nite... how i wish i'm a police officer and ban them from driving!! i really wonder if their license is really kopi-o license!! where got ppl come out from a junction oni look at 1 side and not the other side?? the whole road hers 1 ah?? nia meh.... dun let me see her again!! see once, scratch her face once!! TMD!!!

"julow".....

Yesterday was chatting with one ex-colleague, he call himself baby low while we call him low. he was asking me about some crystal report testing like how to test the crystal report and stuff. so i gave him a few ideas and experiences that i've been through and he was so happy that he understood on how to test it out. well of course i'm happy for him too as i'm able to help him out on it.

so the conversation on the crystal report thingy done, he start to thank me and say he miss me and stuff.... so halfway thru the conversation, he said he wanted to create a name for both of us:

Low: "juju... i miss u leh...."
Me: "hahahaha... i miss u too leh.."
Low: "Long time no see u liao lal..."
Me: "yeah wor... u and me so bz mar.."
Low: "eh... why not we create a name for both of us??"
Me: "wat name oh??"
Low: "hmmm... can call julow.."
Me: "hah... errrr...." *julow seems like "pig brain" ani..* "no lar... julow not so nice leh... ah boh put as lowju lar.."
Low: "lowju ah.... i like ladies 1st mar.."
Me: "no lar... lowju sounds better mar.." *eh wait... lowju also seems not so good.. like "old pig" ani...*
Low: "or we can put baby juju loh..."
Me: "orhhhh... yeah hoh... since u call urself baby low, u all call me juju... in short, can call us as baby G lar.."
Low: "cannot... baby G is meant for gary 1..."
Me: "HAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! oh yeah hoh... i forgot... hahahahahahaha..."

so in the end, i also forgot wats the name we created, i just know "julow" and "lowju" both also sounds not nice... hahahahaha... i dowan ppl call me "pig brain" nor "old pig"... me not that old oni hoh...

training in Aussie??

Yo!! Yup the title says that i might be going to training in Aussie for a new system that my company bought. It's called Information Technology Service Management (ITSM). What's the training for? well basically the training is more on technical where if there's a problem with the system that the company bought, we, as programmer, have to debug and resolve it loh.. as simple as that. so yeah, the training would be very technical indeed...

but then, it's not confirmed yet leh... so i'm here praying that our boss will really really send us to aussie for this technical training!! you want to bond me for a year also no problem!!! just send me out there puhhhleeeeaaassssssssssss!!!!! yeah yeah, i know i sounds desperate but then, who wont man?? go aussie for the 1st time for training lehhhhhhh... after training, we can sendiri go out lepak around aussie worrrr..... siapa tak mau rite??? moreover, aussie got a lot of "guai lous" man!! imagine those LENG CHAI guai lous!!! fuyoooooo!!! *drrroooolllinnnggggg*

so anyhow, dunno when oni can confirm but i hope it's soon.... so off topic, my bro is sick with fever since friday with 110 degrees C and till today, monday, his fever hasnt gone down 1 degree!! so kinda worried, no it's not dengue, checked oledi, yes he did take the meds the docs gave him, and yes we brought him to the doc twice but still the same... so guess the last resort would be go to find those "mediums" and see what da heck happens to him... hopefully he'll be ok real soon.. worried sick man!!!

then there's this ka lei posting his latest blog saying something bout me disturbing him and george's surname... man... i meant that as a joke and hopefully george!!!!! dun angry at me okay???? i'm just disturbing ka lei!!! heheheheeh...

so CNY coming real soon... any plans yet?? well my dad told us that we'll be going back to Kota Tinggi as usual but i was planning/WANTED to go singapore to visit my cousin which their respective wives just gave birth to baby boy!!! yup... i got 2 cousin in spore and both their wives gave birth to boys.. wat a coincidence huh?? i heard the boys is quite heavy but very healthy.. and i just saw a pic of 1 of my cousin's son... veli veli cute oooo!!!! so i go asked my dad last nite: -

Me: "Pa, this year we got go back KT or not? I heard KT ngam ngam no more flood, but still scared the flood will come back"
Me Dad: "The flood go down oledi mar. of coz got go back lar. Ur bro boy said he'll follow us back also. so u how??"
Me: *hopes crushed* "Errrr... ani kuan ah...."
Me Dad: "what err err err?? got or not??"
Me: "I thought of going spore mar....."
Me Dad: "Go spore for wat?? u know ah, that kastam there damn jam 1 everytime CNY go spore. i didnt go spore cuz scared of the stupid jam"
Me: "oh... like that ah..."
Me Mom: "Boy follow us back also worried we both old man and old woman drive car oni.."
Me: "Orhhh...." *nod head* "ah then ah... see how lar..."

in the end, i didnt tell them whether i got go or not... but since my bro going with them, i might as well follow... cuz if not, he'll be super bored at KT... well to tell u the truth hoh, go back KT, u just sit at uncle's home... veli sien 1... no where to go... aiii... not being mean or anything but seriously veli sien 1...

then after i drop my parents, i go other play with my boyboy. my boyboy went back with me last year, so this year i asked him again: -

Me: "aaaiii... since boy going back KT, i also will follow lar.. if not he super sien 1... i also worried mom and dad driving alone back to KT 1 gehhh..."
My boyboy: "yeah.. at least ur bro being a good boy, got follow them back.."
Me: "soooo... u wan to follow me back bor??"
My boyboy: "dun 1 lah!!! so sien!! no thanks!! u wan u go with ur parents and ur bro. i rather stay in KL and rot!!"
Me: -___- "OK LOOOOO!!! FINE LOOOO..."

see... he rather rot at home also dun 1 follow me.. this time i gonna rot at KT!! sighhhhh...

half drunk......

Yup. I'm half drunk last night... well the story goes like this... at 6pm SHARP... i leave office with my company's Senior Vice President, Inbound Head Manager, Inbound Supervisor and my Project Manager all sitting in 1 car (Inbound Head Manager's car) to go StarHill for the Jogoya buffet dinner.. a treat by a vendor to thank us for buying their ever so expensive product... hahahaha...



then during that journey there, my PM was kinda like arguing some business with another vendor, which in a way involve all the manager's in that car... while i'm the odd 1 out.. so i'm there thinking, "aisehhhh... i shouldn't have sit in this car, they're talking some P&C biz stuff leh.." but anyway, in the end, we reached StarHill and we're all in awe... errr... not all... oni the 3 of us i.e. me, the supervisor and the inbound head manager.. we were there talking "fuahhhh, here is so grand, if our salary got RM10k a month then oni dare to come in here leh..." so yeah.. it's kinda like the 1st time we went in there, it was soooo grand and all those shops is those SUPER BRANDED shops.... ishh... even the ppl who WORK there as PROMOTERS also got those LAN SO face!! kanasai... its like look down on us 1... uishhhh...



so we went into Jogoya buffet restaurant, the waiter guide us to a VIP room, which is from the main door to another end, where we have to turn here and there, and all of us is there thinking, "shit.. later we take food, then wanted to go back in the room, we might be lost!! gotta ask them give a map 1st!!" so after 5min walk (approx. 5min lah), we finally reach the VIP room... lemme let u see the VIP room TABLE... it was SUPER BIG!!

see!! i told u the table is big!! imagine if the dish is in the middle, how u gonna take that dish man... gotta CLIMB up the table to take it.... uishhh... and inside this VIP room got toilet summore!!! it's kinda grand... i think...

during the dinner, though the managers are busy chit chatting bout biz with the vendor, we all "small potato" busy eating the food. but compare Jogoya with Saisaki in Wisma UOA, i still think Saisaki got more choice in japs food, here in Jogoya, not much choices also, but i tell u, if u're the VIP member, u gotta eat the KING CRAB!! it's SUPER DELICIOUS!! well each of us being given 1 time only VIP pass to order 1 VIP food, so mostly is king crab, and i ordered baked cheese king crab, once i put it in my mouth, it was sooooooooooooooooooo nice!!! how i wish i can order another set BUT.... no more pass!!! :''(

in the end, the dinner is a very happy ones cuz we get to disturb 1 technical guy which from the looks, u'll think he's those quiet type, but when he talk, he'll make u laugh and he'll say those things that was so unexpected ones... and no.. not those obscene words, but some words that'll make u dunno what to talk back oni... kekekekekeke...

then after the dinner, we all followed the inbound head manager back to office to take our car, but once we reach, he suggest we go for a drink, so off we go... to Sava pub at uptown damansara. the place is OK, with ppl singing on stage and loud music and some hot chicks.. let me tell u who's there, we got the senior VP, inbound head manager, my PM, our network guy, me, senior technical support and the head field engineer manager. so yes, i'm the 1 with the smallest and tiniest title.. application analyst... the "small potato" in the drinking group. i felt so pai seh at 1st, but in the end, we all chat happily, no matter the title. but still, i gotta act a bit polite since the senior VP is there... aiyoh takkan u wan me to lose my image meh, later the next day i got 1 goreng sotong envelope in front of my desk loooo....

actually, in total, i think i oni drank 2 glass of beer but i can feel i'm half drunk, 1st reason is bcuz the music is loud, make u a bit high, 2nd thing is my headache!!! at around 12am, my head ache makes my head feels like exploding... but we drank till 2am!!!

when i was on the way home using federal highway, i drove like 120km/h in my kelisa to "fly" back home... reason is i feel myself half drunk, so i better reach home fast, take bath then go sleep.. ah bor i'll sleep on federal highway adi... so i reach home, took bath, lie on my bed with my head still feels like exploding... then within 10min, i've dozed off!! fuihhh.... i still remember when i turn a corner into my house, my car skidded a bit... come to think of it, i really thank god my car didnt overturn.... >_<

THANKS PAPA!!!!

WOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!! I got a new watch!! neh.. neh neh neh nehhh.... muahahahahahaha... well when you got something from some u love, of coz u gotta show it off rite??? kakakakaka... so it happens on sunday evening where my dad suddenly asked me, "eh mei, u wan watch or not? i'm planning to buy a watch for u and ur sis, seiko brand." then i was like... *thinking deeply* why suddenly papa wanna buy watch for us eh? he got kena lottery ah?? couldn't be, if he kena, he sure damn happy and announce to us all 1... hmmmm....

so i got ask, "why suddenly buy watch eh? wat model? nice or not 1 ah? how much ah? expensive 1 or not ah?". then my mom said "aiyohhh, buy watch for u also u dun 1 meh?? ur papa so good, buy u watch, u just say ok lar, why go ask so much? so what color u want?". well as u all should know, watch got "face" 1 mar... meaning the background of da watch got color which is either black, white, maroon or etc... so i asked, "got wat color ah? u saw before, which 1 nice ah?"... then my mom suggest maroon cuz she said looks feminine... and then add another sentence, "ur 1 and ur sis 1 is different, ur sis 1 a bit smaller, urs a bit bigger cuz u fat, so have to wear bigger then oni nice..." -___- OK LARRRRR... i know i fat lar... no need say it so straight forward der.... &#$%#%^$^&%@

so anyway, since my mom "eyesight" in watches is not bad, so i decided to take maroon loh, which is the same color with my sis, so nvm bah... as long as nice, same color mar ok loh... furthermore, we're sisters mar, same color to show we're errrr.... in unison??? ish... dunno the word.. nvm lar..

so as of yesterday... TADA!!!! my new seiko watch is in da house!!!! let me show off a bit hah... so here goes...

nice bor??? that's the time i reach home and open it!!

so once i open it, i expect it to be MAROON color, but mana tau... it's actually PURPLE color... -____- guess my mama is a bit color blind?? shhhh...

see!! it's really PURPLE!! nice lehhhh... muekekekeke...

mom said this is the watch the dunno wat hong kong singer/actress wear 1... so i was like, "oh izzit?? then should be ok lar"...

so this is how it looks on my hand.. nice leh... i know... kakakka...

this is the closer look... really nice leh... hahahaha...

so now u got to see my new watch... and i got the new watch, all thanks to my PAPA!! papa, u're da best papa i've ever have!!! thanks a lot!!!! but even if u didnt gimme the watch, i will still think u're the best papa!!! so dun say me materialistic hoh!!! kakakakakaa....

actually, when dad ask me whether i wan the watch or not, i was thinking this "papa, if u gimme money, i would be more happy......."

hahahahaha... but nevertheless, my dad is a watch technician, a geng chao 1 at that!!! so all i've got to say is, i will treasure it with all my heart... even if others pay me RM10K also i wont sell it!!!

happy go lucky!!!!!

well today i woke up quite late... so yeah... i'm definitely late to work.. but then, its ok ler... since it's friday isnt it??? hahahahaha... *shhh... dun let my boss see this*

so anyway, i reach office feeling very happy and relax.... not saying my office work is very relaxing, got a lot of report i need to do ok?? i'm saying i FEEL relaxed all of a sudden, its like a burden you carried for the whole 2 nights being shifted away to a faraway land... hehehehe...

so yeah... me and my boyboy kinda like talk things through... well actually, i'm the one who do most of the talkings anyway and he just sat there quietly and look at me... well thats him... as long as he knows how i felt then its ok oledi... well actually, all this thanks to my ex-colleagues who supported me by giving me advises and opinions and stuff... i AM really grateful especially to MR KA LEIIIIIIII.... thanks for the advises... U ARE THE MAN!!!!

actually, i'm super lazy to work today, i was like keep on looking at the time passes, was asking the time why did it move so slow today of all day?? then i was trying to look for ppl in my msn and googletalk list to see who is free to chat, mana tau, all seems so busy... so wat did i do??? create report and do work loh... what else? ishhh... then at 1st, got plan tonite to either go sing K with gary, joan and chew or go yam cha with terence THEN go pub with my APIIT-ian's fren or just head home and wait for boyboy off work. in the end, sing K plan cancelled as there's not much ppl going, then go pub also cancelled cuz... they going luna bar wor... need RM50 cover charge, and i'm like super broke this month leh... so i told them, my boyboy dun 1 to go leh, i also no money leh... so u guys go ahead lar... weyyyyy... its true my boyboy dun 1 to go ok?? i DID called and ask him whether he wanna join or not 1... he said dun 1 ok?? dun point fingers at me!!

but then, i realized that, being happy is good, u feel like u're on top of the world, nothing to worry about, nothing to really go and think about, nothing to feel sad about... but instead... just enjoy life and go with the flow... and enjoy the wind... like this... -->

emotional fireworks...

I'm a sucky for fireworks... i LURVEEEE fireworks... as in my previous post, i'm in a super down mood contemplating between relationship and friendship... so friendship i already leave it as it is cuz like mr. ka lei said, let it be... moreover, what he/she wanna do is none of my problem, so why do i care so much?? so i'm not gonna touch on that topic since i dont wanna care adi...

you know, in new year's eve, i was kinda excited that i could see fireworks... well i believe most girls love fireworks but i think i'm those HYPER IN LOVE with fireworks... i remember the 1st year that i "paktor" with my boyboy, we went to sunway lagoon to watch fireworks... imagine i was like standing right below the fireworks when it starts to errrr.... "ka-boom" right above our head!!! it was like the fireworks is soooo big and its soooo beautiful and then the one you love is right behind you, enjoying the fireworks together with you... then u lean your head on his shoulder while he hug you from behind, his arms around your waist, both enjoying the fireworks together... it was soooo nice and romantic...

but the following year until 2006 new year's eve, you are only able to see the fireworks from far far away since the place that has fireworks are so jammed up... but this year new year's eve, you wont be able to see even the smoke of the fireworks... reason?? my bf got sick on that day and we gotta stay home... imagine he was sick and was sleeping, while i'm online surfing net till at 12am, u heard there's a lot of fireworks happening around you... then you were saying to urself, well i didnt get to see the fireworks its ok, but at least my boyboy is right beside me... so while you were saying those words, you were facing the monitor, then you turn around, hoping to hug your boyboy... but when you turn around, he was snoring and was sound asleep, then suddenly, you can feel your eyesight being blurred with tears... dun ask me why, but out of a sudden, i feel so sad, i heard the fireworks, i wish i was there to enjoy it, i saw him sleeping. know that he's sick, i'm sad for him... sighh... i'm not blaming him for not able to bring me to see fireworks, i just felt sad that the fireworks i love so much, i wont be able to see it....

then today, while i was driving to his house, out of the blue, i saw fireworks!!! the fireworks though is far but its so beautiful!! but again, i dont feel happy at all, non of the excited feelings that i used to feel when i see fireworks, no smiles on my face when i see fireworks, no happy feelings in my heart at all.... instead, all i can feel is that my heart is crying, bleeding, and a feel of my heart being squeezed by a hand so hard that you thought your heart has stop pumping...

imagine you feeling that and you wanted to cry, cry so hard that you wanted to let all your sorrow go away with the tears that were flowing... but too bad... my eyes could not even drop a single tear, not even watery at all when u rubbed it, forced it to have at least a small drop of tear...

then u heard a song from "The All-American Rejects - It Ends Tonight" and finally, the tears are there on your eyes till you can hardly see any car in front of you... so what makes me cry?? what makes the tears there? cuz my belated uncle which i love dearly suddenly came to my mind... he's been gone for 1yr+ leaving us all sad and regret for not spending enough time with him... i miss him so so so much that i can hardly control myself... and so i cried... but what did my uncle got to do with me and the relationship that i was confused about? i dont even have a clue... maybe in a way, i'm like my uncle, both of us are afraid of telling the truth of how we felt, of what really is on our mind, of our opinion towards something...

so i'm learning to express myself more... i'm still learning... and i did express more of how i felt ever since my boyboy urged me to do so... but still.... one way or another, i'm still holding myself back............. but i believe when i'm with him, i feel more at peace, i feel that i can tell him everything, cuz sometimes i think that he knows me more than i know myself...

My first time blogging!!

hello hello.... this is my 1st blog and also my 1st post nehhhh!!!! anyway, i also dunno why i needed a blog also... guess this is the place where i can express some of my feelings when i feel there's no one i can talk to?? urmmm.... i THINK so oni lar...

there's a lot of friends that i have did have a blog, so i guess i'll join in the fun and express what my daily life that i've been thru i guess... but i think theirs is more interesting than mine... i like to read their blog, its very interesting......... anyway....

actually the main reason i wanted to blog today is bcuz i'm super down today.. my brain is like debating with my heart, trying to tell me things i dont know whether its right or wrong... been asking 2 of my (i consider lar..) very closed friend about what they think, though their opinion did meant a lot but still.... the brain and heart still is debating...

there's 2 problem that the debate is going on, 1 is about friendship, another would be about understanding and action i should take or do... friendship debate consider it solved, but the other?? sighh... i dunno wat to do...

let me post this question to anyone out there who read my blog...

1. if you got a close friend of yours you know gonna or MIGHT do something wrong, will you let them do it? well you've advised and stuff but still that friend think that, if it is meant to happen, let it happen... but you of coz really hope that friend wont do it... so how?? are you gonna open 1 eye and close the other eye??

2. your bf been telling you to stand firm on your own decision i.e. if i dont want to do something, voice it out and said "NO!! I wont do it!" but in the end, u didnt do it cuz u think that why not give that "thing" a try? but then ur bf misunderstood and said "why didnt u voice out? what are u scared of? u dont voice it out, every1 will keep on bully u, u know? in the end, u're the 1 who's suffering!" so.... can say, u think differently, while he think differently... i would say that he thinks more logical than mine but still.... how do i make him understand??

i'm sooooooooo confused now......